A Very British Gangster Page #5

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for a two-grand f***ing loan.

The f***ing knob.

Just for the record,

what made you... possessed you

to go into a post office with no weapon

and expect to walk out?

F***ing stupidity, I think.

I walked in, put the bag in

through the tray and said,

"Put the money in the bag

and don't do anything stupid."

He went, "What?"

So I repeated myself.

He went, "F*** off!"

Pushed the button.

And I was like, "F***!"

'Cause I've seen it on TV

where the f***ing...

the shutters come down

and the shutters come down.

And I thought, "Oh, f***ing hell!

I'm well stuck here!"

I turned round and looked at the door,

and it was still, like, slightly open,

and I just f***ing ran for the door.

I were, boom, in my car and off.

I were gone.

- Was the alarm ringing?

- F***, yeah.

That's loud, that.

That were loud, that.

I remember that f***ing sound.

I'll remember that sound forever.

It was f***ing horrible.

So how were you caught?

I did it in my own f***ing car.

My own car.

No f***ing false reg plates on it.

I parked the f***ing thing outside.

And you're coming up for trial shortly?

That'll be a plead guilty, I suppose.

I can't f***ing deny it, can I really?

What have they charged you with?

Attempted robbery.

Attempted robbery.

- Without firearms, though.

- Without firearms.

- Did they have you on CCTV?

- No.

They couldn't really prove it was you, then.

I've admitted it, though.

You shouldn't have said anything.

"No comment."

I've admitted it, though.

Naught I can do about it.

The only reason that I went in there

was through fear.

Like, I've got to get this f***ing money.

My time's running out.

It was like I had to do what I had to do.

There's a lot of people with debts

like you who are struggling.

Yeah? How do they get out of it?

How do they get out of it?

That's what I want to know.

How do they get out of it?

It's not nice owing all this money.

But there's got to be a way out.

You wanna buy some carpet?

All the fish have died out of that fish tank.

F*** you!

- Worse than your driving, Andy.

- I know.

Hey, no one beats my driving, c*nt.

Will you f*** off? Come on.

You're pissing me off now.

You're pissing me off.

Move out of the way, will you?

Just keep the f***ing noise down,

or you'll be moving.

Shut up!

Shut up or I'll send someone out

to beat you up in a minute.

- Who will?

- I will.

This is my manor where, in daytime,

I act as a social worker.

Everyone seems to come to me

with their problems around this area.

And other areas outside Manchester, too.

It's one of them deprived areas.

I was born here and bred here,

and this is where I want to stay.

F***ing hell!

It's a f***ing safari!

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