A Life Less Ordinary

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MAN:
So, here's the deal.

We are in the garden, right?

And everything is great.

And there's this tree.

And the man says,

"Ooh, see that tree?

"Don't eat the fruit

of that tree.

"That apple you do not eat."

He goes inside,

names some animals...

maybe takes a dump.

Anyway, what does she do?

She eats the apple!

I can't believe what I'm seeing!

He says, "Don't eat it!"

She eats it!

- Unbelievable!

- [Siren]

Since then, men, women...

I don't know.

It's all going wrong!

DIANA ROSS SINGING:

So inviting

So exciting

Whenever you're near

I hear a symphony

A tender melody

Pulling me closer

Closer to your arms

Then suddenly

Your lips are touching mine

A feeling so divine

Till I leave the past behind

I'm lost in a world

Of make-believe

Whenever you're near

I hear a symphony...

GABRIEL:
Divorce.

Miserable marriage.

Wedding canceled.

Remarried.

Divorced again.

Ahh!

Irreconcilable

sexual disharmony!

Dysfunctional marriage!

Divorce! Divorce!

Divorce! Divorce!

Divorce! Divorce!

Well?

Talk to me.

We had a bad run.

O'REILLY:

Things have changed down there.

Men and women

aren't like they used to be.

GABRIEL:
Well, things are

changing up here as well.

I'm getting pressure

from above...

if you know what I mean,

for results!

For men and women to be bonded

in eternal bliss.

In the meantime, I've been

instructed to introduce...

new incentive schemes

for our leading operatives.

Leading operatives, huh?

That's you.

O'REILLY:
Skip the flattery,

Gabriel. Where's the beef?

It's a hard case to crack.

I have full confidence

you can do it.

If you don't...

you don't come back.

What?

No way.

That's the new incentive scheme.

Your mission

is to unite man and woman...

blah, blah, blah, blah, OK?

When you're done...

you come back.

If youfail...

you stay down there forever.

You are not serious.

GABRIEL:
Liberatum mani.

It's out of my hands.

[Distant siren]

SNEAKER PIMPS SINGING:

No ordinary sin

This perfect working order

I'd rather sink than swim

If I can't walk on water

Let the scandal in

This perfect world disorder

I'd rather drown than swim

I can't walk on water

This taste of dilution

Velvet divorce

I get bored

Velvet divorce

I get bored

Velvet divorce

Velvet divorce

I get bored

ROBERT:

She's the secret daughter...

of Marilyn Monroe

and John F. Kennedy, right?

I mean, that's why Marilyn

was murdered.

So, the young girl

grows up in an orphanage...

unaware of

her incredible parentage.

Years go by.

She's beautiful.

She's smart.

She's successful, OK?

MAN ON RIGHT:
Then what?

ROBERT:
Well, then...

Then she gets sent to London

as U.S. ambassador.

MAN ON LEFT:
Where she discovers

who she is...

and also unravels

the secret of the Nazi gold...

hidden underneath the embassy.

ROBERT:
Uh, yeah.

MAN ON RIGHT:

It's kind of obvious, Robert.

Of course it's obvious, guys.

It's a trash novel.

You buy it in the airport,

you take it on holiday.

Oh, Ms. Gesteten.

Nice to see you down here.

I'd love to stay and talk,

but, um, you know how things...

ELLIOT:
Nice trick, Celine.

- Want to try your luck?

- With the gun?

CELINE:
With the fruit.

ELLIOT:

I don't have time for games.

CELINE:
If you're afraid,

why don't you just say so?

ELLIOT:
Celine, last night,

we discussed a certain proposal.

And I said no,

because you cheat, Elliot.

ELLIOT:
OK.

So I'm flirtatious.

It's in my nature.

But I want you to think again.

Do you know how difficult

it is for a woman to find...

a good husband in this town?

Let alone a good dentist.

Celine...

I'm serious.

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