A Haunted House 2

Synopsis: After losing his beloved Kisha in a car accident, Malcolm starts anew, by remarrying Megan, a mother of two. When things begin to get back into their paranormal ways, targeting both the children and the property, things complicate even more when his back-to-life Kisha moves into the neighborhood.
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Director(s): Michael Tiddes
Production: Open Road Films
Rotten Tomatoes:
86 min


Help me get her in the car, Ray!

Okay, but this b*tch

heavy as hell, Cuz!

Nigga, get yo' hands off her ass!

Let me finger gangbang

her at least, homie!

- Just help me get it off of her!

- Okay, one finger then!

A'right, but we ain't

goin' inside, homie.

We gonna go around

the emergency loop...

roll her ass out like

we do all the homies...

that get shot in the hood, homie.

Why you snuff her

fine ass anyway, homie?

I wanted to bone, Cuz.

- She was possessed, Ray!

- Possessed?

Possessed like head spinnin'

around vomitin' everywhere?

Or like possessed like Kanye

when you take a picture of him?

Just drive like you

got warrants, please!

Nigga, I do got warrants! Look!

These right here! Jaywalkin'!

For eating grapes in the grocery

store without payin' for 'em!

Shavin' my dog's balls in public.

Drivin' with my hands

off the wheel, Cuz.

I be ghost-drivin' my whip, Cuz.

I like doin' that sh*t, homie.

An altercation with my Moms,

homie, but she provoked me, Cuz!

- Ray-Ray, I think she's waking.

- All right, here! Take this...

and pistol-whip her

with the butt of the gun.

I'm not pistol-whippin'

my girlfriend!

A'right, nigga, well, you drive

and I'll pistol-whip that b*tch!

- Kisha, resist!

- But you didn't!

I've seen you for the

b*tch that you are, Malcolm.

- What's she talkin' 'bout, homie?

- Booty pirates!

- Nuttin', she's possessed, man.

- S'right, you f***er!

He's a ghost buster!

That sound real suspect

back there, homie.

Was you in juvie, Cuz?

If you don't cry you ain't

no b*tch in there, homie.

I didn't cry. Doodles on

they. Joke's on them, Cuz.

By the power vested to me,

that somebody gave me...

while I was locked up...

- Who are you?

- It's Father Williams, homie.

She do a mean impression

of that nigga, Cuz.

I do a mean impression

of The Butler. Check it:

"I'm here for the boss.

I'm here to serve the boss."

- Who are you?

- I'm Forest Whitaker, homie.

From the movie that's

like "The Help" but...

He didn't doo-doo

in the pie, homie.

Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!

I'm talkin' to Kisha. Ray!

Are you gonna let that

b*tch choke you out, Cuz?

You a b*tch, homie...

- Get the f*** off me!

- Kisha! Kisha!

Sh*t, she breathed

in my face, homie.

I'll get the bird

u, it's contagious...

She blacked out, Ray.

Hurry, we don't have much

time! Get us to the hospital.


Ray? Ray?

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, my God!



Ray? Ray!

It's a good thing I drank

that Hennessy earlier.

I can't feel sh*t, homie!

- I think Kisha's dead.

- Good!

Let's get the tuck

outta here, homie!

Listen. We were never here.

- I'm with you, Cuz.

- All right. Deuces!

We ghost hunters!

I don't know about

this place, baby.

You've said that about

every house we looked at.

There's just something creepy

about this place, like...

give me the heebie-jeebies...

like somethin' bad

happened in here.

Well, I love it. And I love you.

There you go, bribin'

me with vagina.

- Whatever works.

- Know when I'm weak.


Oh, it's disgusting

when we do it...

but when you kissing

the whole entire...

sophomore class it's cool, huh?

Gimme that damn

camera, you little gnat!

- Finger. Real creative.

- Cut her some slack.

She's just goin' through a phase.

Yeah, a phase. It's called "whore."

- Look at that. Last a lifetime.

- Malcolm, stop!

No, see, that's a phase.

Looks like he met an

imaginary friend. It's normal.

What you doin' there, buddy?

Wanna help me load some boxes?

- Cool!

- A'right. My man!

- Sorry, Malcolm. I can't.

- Why not?

Tony says, "Aw, hell

no! I ain't yo' slave!"

Is it me or does his

imaginary friend sound black?

Pretty progressive.

Why don't you and

your friend go play?

Okay. That game sounds like fun!

I don't like the

tripping game, Tony.

Look at all that sexy. Come here.

Gimme a kiss. Let's piss

off your forefathers.

Malcolm, it's 2013.

Interracial relationships

are not a big deal anymore.

Yeah, you tell that to the sistas.

You know, they be like,

"Oh, I know he didn't!"

"He did not kiss that

pasty ass white b*tch!"


"Yes! Not with them

old thin ass lips.

Look at them, look

like baloney slices!"

"See he spray scrippin' and

it don't make no damn sense."

Come here, Shiloh Junior.

There's my baby boy.

I still can't believe you

named our dog Shiloh Junior.

Well, I was gonna name him

Shiloh ll or Shiloh the Sequel...

but he wouldn't answer to

those, so Shiloh Junior it is.

C'mon! Hey, come on, Shiloh Junior.

Babe, are you gettin' this?

I don't understand your

obsession with cameras.

Hey, you can never have

too many cameras, okay?

Hey, Shiloh! Come on, baby.

You ready to go see your

new house, Shiloh Junior?

Come on, Shiloh

Junior. Shiloh Junior!

Hey, get inside.

Don't make me put

bass in my voice. Hey!


God, I don't know

what's wrong with him.

Sh*t! Breathe!

I'm gonna call 9-1-1!

Call 9-1-1. Tell

'em the dog is white!

Tell 'em the dog is white!

Oh, God. I got a pulse.

Breathe! Shiloh, like this...

F***! Oh, my back!

Oh my f***in' back!

Please, help me!

My f***in' dog is a pancake!

Get me a goddamn pump!

It's working! Come on!

Meet me at the hospital!

The hospital's that way!

So young, never had a

chance to lick his balls.

I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.

You know, I'm just so happy

I got to spend time with Shi...

It's just every time I try

Rate this script:2.0 / 3 votes

Marlon Wayans

Marlon Lamont Wayans (July 23, 1972) is an American actor, comedian, screenwriter, and film producer, beginning with his role as a pedestrian in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka in 1988. He frequently collaborates with his brother Shawn Wayans, as he was on The WB sitcom The Wayans Bros. and in the comedic films Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2, White Chicks, Little Man, and Dance Flick. However, Wayans had a dramatic role in Darren Aronofsky's critically acclaimed Requiem for a Dream, which saw his departure from the usual comedies. In 2009, he appeared in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. In 2013, he had a leading role in A Haunted House and co-starred in The Heat. A Haunted House 2 was released on April 18, 2014. He also appeared in the Netflix film Naked. Marlon has partnered with former Funny or Die co-founder Randy Adams to create What the Funny, an online destination for urban comedy. Marlon created the comedy competition television show, Funniest Wins, which aired on TBS in June - August 2014. As of 2014, Marlon and his brothers have been traveling the U.S. with "The Wayans Brothers Tour". In 2016, Wayans wrote, produced and starred in Fifty Shades of Black. The film is a parody of the 2015 erotic romantic drama film Fifty Shades of Grey. In 2017, NBC gave him his own sitcom, Marlon, for a 10-episode run. In September 2017, Marlon got renewed for a second season by NBC, set to premiere in 2018. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "A Haunted House 2" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Jun 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_haunted_house_2_1926>.

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