A Haunted House

Synopsis: In October 2012 a video footage is found at the home of Malcolm Johnson and the recordings are still unexplained. Past this prologue a story in flashback form unfolds. During the summer of 2012, Malcolm and Kisha move in together and start a happy life. One night Kisha notices a few unexplained phenomena that convince her their house is haunted by ghosts. To allay her fears Malcom hires a camera crew to film inside the house day and night. A few nights later Malcom and Keisha have sex on camera, despite Keisha's protests at being filmed. Upon reviewing the sex tape the next day, Malcom and Keisha notice a few paranormal phenomena caught on tape. Malcom wants to sell the house but the housing market is slow. Therefore, Malcom decides to hire a psychic to come to the house and investigate. After Kisha confesses to making a deal with the devil for a pair of shoes things start to make sense but it doesn't solve the problems caused by the paranormal phenomena.
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Director(s): Michael Tiddes
Production: Open Road Films
  1 win & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.1
Metacritic:
20
Rotten Tomatoes:
10%
R
Year:
2013
86 min
$32,536,865
Website
6,191 Views


Why isn't this

stupid thing workin'?

See, that's that bullshit.

I'm taking this sh*t

right back to Best Buy.

Or not.

Stupid lens cap.

Wow!

Brand-new camera.

I'm filming

everything with this.

Christmas, New Year's,

vagina.

All right.

Today is the big day.

My girlfriend

Kisha's moving in.

Now, all my boys

keep telling me,

"Don't do it, don't do it,

"because everything's

gonna change.

"She's gonna take

over your house.

"She's never

gonna cook again.

"And worst of all,

"you're putting

your dick in jail."

I think they're trippin'.

Once she moves in,

everything's gonna

be perfect.

Place looks nice.

Baby boy cleaned up

for you, huh?

Oh, sh*t!

Rosa!

Hey, you gotta

announce yourself.

You can't just

creep up on me.

Aw, come on.

This is my

housekeeper, Rosa.

Say hi. Say hi.

Say hi!

Hi! Hola.

Say "Hola." Hola.

Bye-bye!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!

Do this.

Oh!

I'm a big bambino?

You know I love you.

Hey, Shiloh!

Say hi to Mommy.

I'm gonna hump you

on your leg, Kisha.

That's right.

And I'm gonna lick you

all over your face

with my dog-ball mouth.

Oh, sh*t.

Here she comes.

Hi, baby!

Hey, baby! Hi!

No, no, Shiloh!

Wait! No, no, no, no!

Shiloh! What did you do?

I didn't see him!

What did you do?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God!

Shiloh, come on, breathe.

Maybe he's

just playing dead.

He doesn't know

how to play dead.

He knows how to shake hands.

He knows how to fetch.

He knows how to roll over.

He don't know

how to play dead.

Come on, Shiloh, breathe.

One, two, three.

Breathe.

Aww!

Give me

the jumper cables.

The jumper cables?

Give me

the goddamn jumper cables!

Don't you die on me!

Start the car!

Clear! Go!

Oh, sh*t!

Meet me at the hospital!

The hospital's that way!

Don't go towards

the light, Shiloh!

You're in

a better place now, buddy.

I'm so, so sorry.

It's okay, baby.

It's...

It's not your fault.

Yes, it is.

You know, look...

Look on the bright side.

I'm allergic to dogs.

I know, but that's what

was so great about Shiloh.

He was hypoallergenic.

Shiloh!

Oh, my God!

Look at all this sh*t.

Okay, Malcolm,

this is the last box.

What's with the camera?

I'm documenting

our lives together.

Say hi.

Hi! Okay. Mmm.

That ass

lookin' nice, baby.

Hey, hey.

Pan up, pan up.

I see that.

Baby, you are officially

a hoarder.

I swear to God, I'm gonna

open one of these boxes

and find, like, a dead cat

and an old

baloney sandwich in it.

Ha, ha, ha.

Very funny.

Oh, my God.

Do you need these?

Yes! These are...

For what?

These are good

wedding shoes!

One to 10, what are you

feeling right now about that?

Um, 8.7.

What do you

feel about that?

Nine. Nine.

No, wait! Come on. Come on.

What's this? Hold on.

This is a box that my aunt

brought from Kenya.

This is a nine, too.

Oh, my God!

Hi, my name is Kisha Davis,

and I'm a hoarder.

There's shame.

Oh, wow.

Are these

your daddy's ashes?

Yes, Malcolm.

They go where I go.

So, we're gonna

have his ghost

watching over us?

Just put him in

the other room.

He likes to watch TV.

He's dead.

What's he gonna watch?

American Horror Story?

Okay, babe,

these video games,

they have to go.

Wait. Leave my

video games alone.

They're tacky.

- I'm not gonna break it.

- Give me my camera!

"Negra?"Did she

just call me a n*gger?

What? What?

I will lambada your ass!

English! English!

Speak English!

Baby. Baby. Baby!

You know she

don't like me, right?

Oh, I know

what's going on here.

You got some

Schwarzenegger stuff

going on in here, right?

Really?

Yeah, okay, yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna

have a nappy-haired baby

that speaks perfect Spanish.

Come on.

Think about it.

Okay.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Hungry there, buddy?

Mm-hmm.

You're over there eating

like the Cookie Monster.

Can I just enjoy

my food, please?

Wow. Somebody's crabby.

I'm sorry.

I'm just tired.

I haven't been sleeping well.

I keep hearing these noises.

Scary.

Well, you don't have

to be afraid, okay?

'Cause you're

living with me now.

And nobody's gonna

hurt you on my watch.

Okay?

Okay.

Unless the n*gger

got a gun.

Then you on your own.

What?

Hey, baby, what you doin'?

Well, it's time to

put on something

a little more comfortable.

Aha! That's what

I'm talkin' about!

Fellas,

get out your pen and pads.

We about to give

you a sex tutorial.

Let's do this.

Mmm. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, you got the beat!

Oh! Stop.

Stop. Not yet. Not... Ahh!

You gonna bring

a friend there, huh?

Ah. Ah.

Uh-huh? Watch that.

Uh-huh.

Now you get some, yeah.

Watch. Watch.

Ah, taste that.

Look at Daddy. Uh-huh.

Two dogs, one duck.

Get it nasty.

You nasty.

Go home.

I want you by myself. Yeah.

Shh.

Oh. Oh, sh*t!

That's still hot!

Shut up. Take it.

You just take it.

Take it, take it, take it.

Baby!

Yeah, baby?

I cannot believe

this is our first night

living together!

Yeah. It's nice, huh?

Uh-huh.

I can't wait to

lie next to you.

Oh, me, too.

Gotta go, baby.

It was fun.

Whoo!

Get in.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Here I come!

Okay, honey.

Baby, you are

the sexiest woman...

What the hell?

You know, Malcolm,

not everybody goes to bed

looking like a supermodel.

Apparently not.

You know?

Besides,

what is wrong

with my outfit?

Nothin',

if you lived in a box

underneath the freeway.

What?

Come on!

Hold the sign up,

please?

Can I go to bed?

No, you gotta

get the joke first!

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote

Marlon Wayans

Marlon Lamont Wayans (July 23, 1972) is an American actor, comedian, screenwriter, and film producer, beginning with his role as a pedestrian in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka in 1988. He frequently collaborates with his brother Shawn Wayans, as he was on The WB sitcom The Wayans Bros. and in the comedic films Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2, White Chicks, Little Man, and Dance Flick. However, Wayans had a dramatic role in Darren Aronofsky's critically acclaimed Requiem for a Dream, which saw his departure from the usual comedies. In 2009, he appeared in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. In 2013, he had a leading role in A Haunted House and co-starred in The Heat. A Haunted House 2 was released on April 18, 2014. He also appeared in the Netflix film Naked. Marlon has partnered with former Funny or Die co-founder Randy Adams to create What the Funny, an online destination for urban comedy. Marlon created the comedy competition television show, Funniest Wins, which aired on TBS in June - August 2014. As of 2014, Marlon and his brothers have been traveling the U.S. with "The Wayans Brothers Tour". In 2016, Wayans wrote, produced and starred in Fifty Shades of Black. The film is a parody of the 2015 erotic romantic drama film Fifty Shades of Grey. In 2017, NBC gave him his own sitcom, Marlon, for a 10-episode run. In September 2017, Marlon got renewed for a second season by NBC, set to premiere in 2018. more…

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1 fan

Submitted on August 05, 2018

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1 Comment
  • cori_b
    Dear millions of people if you have or haven't seen the movie of A Haunted House which is released in January 11th in the year of 2013? if you are the fan of the first parody sequel horror comedy film? you are going to love all the funny actors including Marlon Wayans who makes thousands of people laugh at his jokes and don't forget about the brand new movies in 2021 such as Respect co starring singer Jennifer Hudson who plays Aretha Franklin and Marlon plays as her husband Ted White and he will be doing two movies like On the Rocks with Bill Murray and director Sofia Coppola and Rashida Jones in 2020 and Ride or Die with Neal H. Moritz in 2021 and last but not least don't forget about Sextuplets on Netflix and A Haunted House is on there from netflix too as also make sure you watch the movie it is funny but scary and hilarious you will laugh out loud with tears of joy until you die of giving yourself a heart attack of laughing and I'm the fan of Marlon Wayans. Sextuplets Sunday night. A Haunted House movie (2013). 
    LikeReply2 years ago

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"A Haunted House" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Jun 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_haunted_house_1925>.

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