A Futile and Stupid Gesture Page #6

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Tell Mr. Sullivan he can take

his bloody show and shove it.

Then there was a woman who managed

to crash our little boy's club.

A refugee from the advertising world,

Anne Beatts.

Hey, baby! Why don't you bring

those jugs back around?

She was tough. She had to be

to deal with all our caveman bullshit.

Look at you.

Where'd you get those pecs, butch?

Come on, little juicy buns, huh?

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Come on, spin around.

- Let me see that ass. Show Mama that ass.

- What? No.

Sorry, I was just trying to prove a point.

To show there's no hard feelings,

let me give you a hand job.

Whoa.

Really?

Excuse me? Story idea, Amish in Space.

Hmm?

Secret Letters of the Alphabet.

I'll get the check.

Brian McConnachie.

Straight-up weirdo.

Brian made more sense

once you understood that he came to us

from the planet Mogdar.

We also had Sean Kelly, Rick Meyerowitz.

So many great contributors.

But four is all that really fit our story,

so I'm sorry, guys.

Hmm.

You know, maybe if one of you

had been black, we could've included you.

So there were no funny black writers

in the '70s?

And just one funny woman?

Oh, I'm sure they were out there.

It's just that we didn't think to look.

You know, it was a different time.

- Hmm...

- Hmm...

In our defense, we also had very few Jews.

- Oh.

- Oh.

Okay, everyone. Take a seat. Take a seat.

Gather 'round.

Welcome, everyone,

to the National Lampoon.

I'm still working on that.

Mm-hmm. We have eight weeks

to put out the first issue,

and so far we have...

nothing.

So please remember

that there are no bad ideas.

- Apart from ideas we don't like.

- Yeah, do not pitch those.

- Yeah.

- I had a few thoughts.

Were we all supposed

to bring those?

- Yes.

- I left mine on the bus.

"Hitler's device

for gassing Rube Goldberg."

A Dr. Seuss story concerning

the sexual awakening of a young Toucan.

A Concrete Jungle Book,

a young white baby comes of age

above 125th Street.

That's tempting.

One of those baby books,

but for a war baby in Vietnam.

Baby's First Wound, that kind of thing.

Adorable.

How about this?

The Joys of Wife-Tasting.

This wife has a fruity flavor,

exceptional finish.

This wife had a vinegary bouquet.

Tarzan of the Cows.

Nancy Reagan's Dating Dos and Don'ts.

- You're a Good Man, Charlie Manson.

- Tempting.

"Upon seeing his condition, Ms. Braddock

said, 'Winston, you're drunk.'

Mustering all his dignity,

Churchill cocked an eyebrow and rejoined,

with that famous Churchill wit,

'Shove it up your ass, you ugly c*nt.'"

Yeah, really great, guys.

- Matty, where you going?

- That's history.

- Come on!

- Here's a cover idea.

Nixon with a long wooden nose.

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