A Fish Called Wanda

Synopsis: In London, George Thomason, his seductive American girlfriend Wanda Gershwitz, and their associate Ken Pile are planning their latest crime, a diamond heist that should net them £13 million. They plan on leaving the country with the goods after the heist. On Wanda's recommendation, they enlist the help of her brother, Otto, a weapons expert, for this heist. In reality, Otto is not Wanda's brother, but her latest lover, a dimwit who gets off on his own body odor, who believes he's an intellectual because he reads Nietzsche, and who does not tolerate being called stupid by anyone. Wanda has one weakness in men which is how Otto was able to get her to be his lover: speaking Italian in seduction. Wanda and Otto plan to double cross George by having him arrested for the heist, while they abscond with the jewels. Wanda further plans to triple cross Otto by eliminating him from the picture after she has the jewels. They are able to get George arrested with him not knowing who tipped the polic
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Production: MGM
  Won 1 Oscar. Another 8 wins & 18 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.6
Metacritic:
80
Rotten Tomatoes:
93%
R
Year:
1988
108 min
196 Views

This film contains strong language.

And on that point, members

of the jury, I rest my case.

CAMERA CLICKS:

RINGING:

Hello, Wanda.

Hi, Ken.

Hello, W-Wanda.

Ken...this is Otto. Hello, Ken.

Wanda's told me a lot about you.

Hey, great fish! A little lemon,

tartare sauce - perfect!

Is George back yet?

N-No, he had to g-go...

What?

That's quite a stutter

you've got there!

It's OK. It doesn't bother me.

So George needs a weapons man, eh?

A cup of tea, Ken? Y-Yuh...

Yeah, he'd like one.

My friend in the CIA had a stutter.

Cost him his life, dammit.

DOOR OPENS:

Hi, George.

Hello, George.

Get you a scotch?

Yeah.

George...

This is Otto.

So...

..you're Wanda's brother? Good to be

here. England is a fine country!

Did she tell you what we need?

KEN GASPS:

Something like that?

Something like that.

Hello, Wendy!

Had a good day?

I spend the morning trying to get

the waste disposal man to come,

had lunch with Marjorie Brooks who

spends the entire meal complaining,

then I come back here and Sandersons

have sent the wrong flowers.

Oh, no! Would you like some tea?

Yes!

I won the case. This is the first

moment I've had to myself all day!

Portia, how was the show? Awful.

I need a new horse. But you liked

Phantom. He's not fit for dog meat.

Can I change him?

It won't cost much.

Aren't you making the tea, Archie?

Let me do it. No, I'LL do it!

I won the case!

Oh! Now this is cracked!

They're worth about 100,000 each.

There are 135 of them -

that makes 13 million, my friends!

Dollars? Pounds, pet.

This is the big one, so...

OK.

Yeah.

Otto!

Yes?

OK.

What?

The plan!

Yeah, great! What was

the middle thing about the police?

We don't meet up at Heathrow

until Tuesday... Yeah!

I haven't finished yet!

Because the police will watch

the airports for 72 hours. I know.

I know.

Do you want m-me to g-get...

..a b-big...c-car?

Yes, Ken. A limo, OK?

Put diplomatic plates on it.

What if he has to say something

during the break-in? No-one says

anything! It's OK. Ken's good.

So, next week, we won't have

to look for work!

And it won't have to look for us!

Oscar Wilde.

You really like animals, don't you?

What's the attraction?

Because you can t-trust them...

..and they don't sh... Shit on you?

..Shove off all the time.

Nietzsche said

they were God's second blunder.

Bye, Sis!

Well, you t-tell him from me...

that I c-could...

Bye, George!

Talk to Mom and tell her I said hi.

OK.

THEY WHISPER:
Don't let him

touch you. We'll be together soon.

I'm sorry my brother's

so insensitive.

He's had a hard life.

Dad used to beat him up.

Good.

Move and you're dead!

ALARM RINGS:

DOGS YAP:

Look where you're going,

selfish pig!

People just think

they own the pavement!

I love robbing the English!

They're so polite.

Th-Th... What? The dog! 20 million

dollars and he's worried about

an insect! It's not an in-in...

Stammer's no better, is it?

Have you thought about surgery?

SIRENS WAIL:

Ken...

Bye.

Let's split. Heathrow, Tuesday.

No celebrating! No celebrating?

See you in a couple of hours. OK.

To 20 million.

To a job well done! To us.

To the best brother and sister

team since... Romeo and Juliet?

Those cockney klutzes

bought our story! What MORONS!

I want you to know something. What?

Even if you were my brother,

I'd still want to f*ck you.

Ooh... Mmm...

Make the call.

Un momento, carissima. No Italian!

Due insalate verde

con pepperoni! No!

E un linguini primavera!

No! Make the call, Otto!

Are you really Italian?

Assolutamente.

Otto means eight.

Say arrivederci a Giorgio.

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John Cleese

John Marwood Cleese (born 27 October 1939) is an English actor, voice actor, screenwriter, producer, and comedian. He achieved success at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and as a scriptwriter and performer on The Frost Report. In the late 1960s, he co-founded Monty Python, the comedy troupe responsible for the sketch show Monty Python's Flying Circus and the four Monty Python films: And Now for Something Completely Different, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian and The Meaning of Life. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"A Fish Called Wanda" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 16 Sep. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_fish_called_wanda_8264>.

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