A Fish Called Wanda

Synopsis: In London, George Thomason, his seductive American girlfriend Wanda Gershwitz, and their associate Ken Pile are planning their latest crime, a diamond heist that should net them £13 million. They plan on leaving the country with the goods after the heist. On Wanda's recommendation, they enlist the help of her brother, Otto, a weapons expert, for this heist. In reality, Otto is not Wanda's brother, but her latest lover, a dimwit who gets off on his own body odor, who believes he's an intellectual because he reads Nietzsche, and who does not tolerate being called stupid by anyone. Wanda has one weakness in men which is how Otto was able to get her to be his lover: speaking Italian in seduction. Wanda and Otto plan to double cross George by having him arrested for the heist, while they abscond with the jewels. Wanda further plans to triple cross Otto by eliminating him from the picture after she has the jewels. They are able to get George arrested with him not knowing who tipped the polic
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Production: MGM
  Won 1 Oscar. Another 8 wins & 18 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
108 min

This film contains strong language.

And on that point, members

of the jury, I rest my case.



Hello, Wanda.

Hi, Ken.

Hello, W-Wanda.

Ken...this is Otto. Hello, Ken.

Wanda's told me a lot about you.

Hey, great fish! A little lemon,

tartare sauce - perfect!

Is George back yet?

N-No, he had to g-go...


That's quite a stutter

you've got there!

It's OK. It doesn't bother me.

So George needs a weapons man, eh?

A cup of tea, Ken? Y-Yuh...

Yeah, he'd like one.

My friend in the CIA had a stutter.

Cost him his life, dammit.


Hi, George.

Hello, George.

Get you a scotch?



This is Otto.


..you're Wanda's brother? Good to be

here. England is a fine country!

Did she tell you what we need?


Something like that?

Something like that.

Hello, Wendy!

Had a good day?

I spend the morning trying to get

the waste disposal man to come,

had lunch with Marjorie Brooks who

spends the entire meal complaining,

then I come back here and Sandersons

have sent the wrong flowers.

Oh, no! Would you like some tea?


I won the case. This is the first

moment I've had to myself all day!

Portia, how was the show? Awful.

I need a new horse. But you liked

Phantom. He's not fit for dog meat.

Can I change him?

It won't cost much.

Aren't you making the tea, Archie?

Let me do it. No, I'LL do it!

I won the case!

Oh! Now this is cracked!

They're worth about 100,000 each.

There are 135 of them -

that makes 13 million, my friends!

Dollars? Pounds, pet.

This is the big one, so...







The plan!

Yeah, great! What was

the middle thing about the police?

We don't meet up at Heathrow

until Tuesday... Yeah!

I haven't finished yet!

Because the police will watch

the airports for 72 hours. I know.

I know.

Do you want m-me to g-get...

..a b-big...c-car?

Yes, Ken. A limo, OK?

Put diplomatic plates on it.

What if he has to say something

during the break-in? No-one says

anything! It's OK. Ken's good.

So, next week, we won't have

to look for work!

And it won't have to look for us!

Oscar Wilde.

You really like animals, don't you?

What's the attraction?

Because you can t-trust them...

..and they don't sh... Sh*t on you?

..Shove off all the time.

Nietzsche said

they were God's second blunder.

Bye, Sis!

Well, you t-tell him from me...

that I c-could...

Bye, George!

Talk to Mom and tell her I said hi.


Don't let him

touch you. We'll be together soon.

I'm sorry my brother's

so insensitive.

He's had a hard life.

Dad used to beat him up.


Move and you're dead!



Look where you're going,

selfish pig!

People just think

they own the pavement!

I love robbing the English!

They're so polite.

Th-Th... What? The dog! 20 million

dollars and he's worried about

an insect! It's not an in-in...

Stammer's no better, is it?

Have you thought about surgery?




Let's split. Heathrow, Tuesday.

No celebrating! No celebrating?

See you in a couple of hours. OK.

To 20 million.

To a job well done! To us.

To the best brother and sister

team since... Romeo and Juliet?

Those cockney klutzes

bought our story! What MORONS!

I want you to know something. What?

Even if you were my brother,

I'd still want to f*** you.

Ooh... Mmm...

Make the call.

Un momento, carissima. No Italian!

Due insalate verde

con pepperoni! No!

E un linguini primavera!

No! Make the call, Otto!

Are you really Italian?


Otto means eight.

Say arrivederci a Giorgio.

Bye, George. Putta me through to...

Hello. Sorry to trouble you,

but I thought you'd like to know

that the Hatton Garden robbery was

pulled off by a Mr George Thomason.

He lives at...

..flat 3, Kipling Mansions,

Murray Road, London W9.




Open up!

George Francis Thomason?

Passport. Tickets. Money.



We're rich, Wanda. Yep!

I bet you've had the most exciting

time of your life with me.

You said it!




Son of a b*tch!

What do you have to do to make

people trust you?! Shut up!

People always take advantage of me!

Think! Where is it?

What are you doing? I'm thinking!

First I'll hang him up

with piano wire, then...

I'm going to talk to him.

Then I'll... Talk to who?

Talk to who?

In the course of installing these

windows, you knelt on broken glass

from the pane you'd dropped? Yes.

And your parents can confirm this?

And his aunt, Georgina Thomason.



Excuse me, sir. There's

a young lady to see Thomason.

Anything else? That's everything

for the moment, thanks.

Ken will be in

with the fish food later.



Well? We'll be OK on the glass,

but what else will they have?


Oh, George!

I can't believe this is happening!

That's not allowed, miss.

Are you OK? I'm all right.

I can't handle this.

I couldn't sleep. I was afraid

the police... Leave it out, OK?



You stayed at my place.

We slept late.

You made me breakfast.

What? What's he doing here?

He wanted to see you!

Who did it, George?

Do you want me to rub him out?

Anything. You name it.

I have friends making enquiries.


The jewels are very safe.

If I get sent down, it gets

handed back to cut my sentence.

To cut my sentence even more, I

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John Cleese

John Marwood Cleese (born 27 October 1939) is an English actor, voice actor, screenwriter, producer, and comedian. He achieved success at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and as a scriptwriter and performer on The Frost Report. In the late 1960s, he co-founded Monty Python, the comedy troupe responsible for the sketch show Monty Python's Flying Circus and the four Monty Python films: And Now for Something Completely Different, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian and The Meaning of Life. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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