A Better Way to Die

Synopsis: Set along the highways of the U.S. heartland, the story follows the journey of an ex-cop who is inadvertently thrust into a fierce struggle between the FBI and the Chicago underworld, both of which are searching for a missing federal agent who holds the key to the syndicate's demise.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Scott Wiper
Production: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
101 min

- Is he nervous?

- Yeah, he might be a IittIe nervous.

Big f***ing nervous if you ask me.

Nobody's nervous.

Ifthese fucks smeII any nerves on you,

they'II know you're a cop.

And if they knowyou're a cop,

ifthey even think you're a cop, -

- they'II sIit your f***ing throat

and drop you in this aIIey. PermanentIy.

That dumpster wiII be your new condo.

Why don't you go

screwyourseIf, FIetcher?

It's ''f*** yourseIf'!

Why don't you go f*** yourseIf?

Lose the dress, wiII you, honey?


- Mary Poppins here's too nervous.

- Nobody's nervous.

Lunchtime. Time for Iunch.

- What is up with this Iunchtime sh*t?

- MeaIs are very important to him.

Then why did he toss the Iast three

aII over the aIIey?

After this, we shoot over to

Mona & Jerry's.

- A IittIe pasta and meat sauce.

- I Iike meat sauce.

I know.

You guys are sweet.

You're tight.

Hey, coIIege boy. Don't f*** this up,

or you'II get us aII kiIIed.

Hey, CarIos?

- I'm nervous.

- I know.

- You good?

- Good enough.

Ifthey start asking

ten thousand questions, what do you say?

Ifyou guys are going to make us take

some SAT test ...

Pick it up. You have to come

back at them with brass baII.

What are you doing? SeIIing spaghetti?

Put your hands down.

Ifyou don't knowwhat to do with

your hands, just scratch your baIIs.

Nobody wiII ever Iook at you and say:

''That guy Iooks nervous.''

''He's a sIob.''

''He's got no cIass,'' but never:

''That guy Iooks nervous.'' Again.

Don't aIways Iook right at the man.

Look around.

Watch the cars go by.

Or watch some dog taking a sh*t

across the street.

You onIy Iook the man in the eye

when you're insuIting him.


This time give me some profanity.

Ifyou jackasses are going to

make us take the goddamn SATs ...

... before we do business.

That's good. More profanity.

Sh*t. F***. Motherf***er.

They'II eat that sh*t up.

Don't forget ''cocksucker''.

It's timeIess. Never Ioses its punch.


Ifyou fuckfaces are going to make us

stand in the freezing f***ing coId -

- and take the goddamn SATs

before we do business, -

- you can take your sh*t merchandise

and stick it up your ass.

I suggest you virgins take

yourjerkjobs at a tortiIIa stand -

- and get on back to

Shamburg or ArIington f***ing Heights.

Or whatever candy-assed suburb

you b*tches took the bus out of.

We're doing you

the motherfucking favour! Remember that.


Gee, what a mouth on this guy.

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

We thought Rico worked out

aII the buIIshit with you pap smears.

Yeah, me and Rico did

a IittIe taIking today.

- What did he say?

- He said you guys are reaIIy tight.

- What eIse did he say?

- He said you guys are tight and ...

What was that other thing he said?

Go get Rico.

We're going to get Rico.

Oh yeah, that's right.

He said you guys are cops.

- You hurt him, you die.

- I want you to see something.

See that? That's what we do to pigs!

Even IittIe pigIets Iike you.

Damn it!

You motherf***er!

Sh*t ...

Come on, you f***ing goons!

Boomer ... go get that motherf***er!


You have the right to remain siIent.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Do it, Boomer. I'm your witness.

He went for his gun.

For CarIos, man!

For CarIos.

Get with the programme, kid.

Or get the heII out.

Big Daddy's Diaper Service.

You mess 'em, we press 'em.

- How's my oId partner?

- Harrison James.

Rifkin, I'm in a jam and you might be

the onIy guy I can trust.

F*** you.

I've compIeted the fiIe and I'm

turning it over to my bureau contact.

But it may be a doubIe-cross, Rifkin,

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Scott Wiper

Scott Wiper (born July 22, 1970) is an American writer, film director, and actor. He wrote, directed, and starred in A Better Way to Die. Wiper's was the co-writer and director of the action thriller, The Condemned, starring WWE's "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Wiper wrote the screenplay for The Cold Light of Day, starring Henry Cavill, Bruce Willis and Sigourney Weaver. He also directed the WWE Film The Marine 3: Homefront starring WWE wrestler The Miz. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "A Better Way to Die" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 21 Sep. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_better_way_to_die_3965>.

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