3 Nights in the Desert Page #2
Oh, that is some regal sh*t.
Cheers.
I'm here.
All right, check this out.
What is it?
No way.
Oh, man.
Looks like you're about to tell
him a secret to the universe.
I'm still waiting for that one.
Yeah.
That's later.
So I'm 5, maybe 6, and I go
into the school bathroom.
And I see a perfect
pile of clothing.
There's Velcro
shoes at the bottom
with these socks
tucked neatly inside.
on top, military style.
And on top of it all?
A t-shirt.
And then I realized, this kid
takes shits completely naked.
So I got... I figured I got
to get to know this kid.
This kid... this is
an interesting kid.
A couple days later, I see
him out in the playground
and he's being chased
by the a**hole kid.
What'd call himself?
Skeletor?
Harassing him with
this plastic crossbow.
And I wait for the right
time, and they come around.
I go whack!
Whoa.
Knock him on his ass.
I stand over him, I point
to Barry, and I say,
that's my best friend.
OK?
I didn't even know your name.
Wait just one second.
This is great.
We go on this school
trip to DC, right?
He's like the horniest
guy in school, right?
So he whacks it 4 times, 5 times
a day, something like that?
And we're all staying together.
And so, you know,
he's got to hold off.
And he's just getting angrier
I was like, Barry, what are
you so... why are you so upset?
He's like, oh man,
I'm just so horny.
When I get home, I could
whack it to anything.
And I'm like, anything?
anything, Bareman?
Like anything?
Yeah, I could whack it anything.
I... I could what it to
a... and I don't even
know where he got this... I could
whack it to a golden f***ing
Gold... a golden cube.
A golden cube.
A what?
Can I please take
over the story here?
floating in space and it's
It's devoid of any sexuality.
It's a competitive challenge.
Yeah.
He didn't make that clear.
Wow.
So I get home, I lay
on my bed, and I focus.
And I'm picturing this gold
cube floating in space.
And then I think
of Stacy Carter.
Or some other hot chick.
And I stop.
Start from scratch,
and I do it again.
And I did it.
You did.
We don't know if you did it.
Nobody knows if you did it.
How do you prove that?
How do you prove that...
I guess you just
have to trust my word.
Hey, here's to being
pathologically honest.
Pathologically honest Barry.
Shh, you be quiet.
Shut up.
Get in my mouth.
Uh, happy birthday to us, right?
To you.
Me.
Ha... happy birthday.
That's my terrible
birthday song.
Yeah, you killed it.
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"3 Nights in the Desert" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/3_nights_in_the_desert_1684>.
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