13 Sins

1

And last but not least, to Susan

"The Steamroller" Purtree

for putting this all together.

And now, finally, at long last,

as some of you may be saying,

it is my honor, my privilege,

my personal pleasure

to present to you the

man of every hour,

University of Perth's own

Professor Edgar Solomon.

Hear, hear!

Thank you. Sincerely.

A bear taking a dump

asked a rabbit,

"Does sh*t stick to

your fur as a habit?"

"Of course not," said the hare,

"it's really quite rare,"

so the bear wiped his

ass with the rabbit.

There once was a lady named Dot...

who lived off of pig sh*t and snot.

When she ran out of these,

she ate the green cheese...

that she grew on the sides...

of her twat.

Oh, my God.

Are you all right? You OK?

- I'm so sorry.

- OK.

Edgar? What are

you doing? Oh, my...!

Stop!

- Hands over your head, sir!

- Just one moment.

Please, sir, don't

reach in your jacket!

I'm calling on behalf of

AAMQ debt acquisitions,

regarding the balance on

your LBF Platinum card...

This is an attempt

to collect a debt.

If you do not pay your

outstanding bill...

your power will be cut off

by noon Friday, July...

Hello? Hi, I'm here. And I might

be able to pay you today.

I think I'm about to

get some good news.

- I think you're gonna get it.

- Oh, stop jinxing it.

- It's unjinxable. You got it.

- Stop saying that.

- Too bad.

- Just tie my lucky tie.

Senior sales representative.

Honey, when's the last time Kopeckny

asked you in for a meeting one on one?

- Never.

- So there.

If I get this promotion, we

are so going on a honeymoon.

Who needs a honeymoon?

After this weekend we'll be married.

You'll ask, "Where's the remote?"

But I mean like a husband asking

his wife where is the remote.

- Thank you.

- Hey.

- Yes?

- What about the kid?

The kid.

Geez.

All right. Senior sales

representative, here I come!

Sir, I'm just trying to understand.

You're firing me?

I made more sales

than ever last month.

And you're still not producing.

What does that tell you?

Explain to me what

happened yesterday.

I made the sale.

The woman was interested

in the gold plan.

- You talked her out of it.

- Wh...

You talked her out

of the gold plan.

I sold Ms. Palmer a policy that was

appropriate to her age and income.

I didn't feel like I should

take advantage... of her.

That's what we do here?

- We take advantage of people?

- No. No, not at all.

- That's not what I meant.

- I got it.

- Sir...

- No, I got it. I do, really.

We shame you. You're

too pure for this job.

Please, I cannot lose this

job right now. Sir...

My brother is mentally disabled,

and if I lose this job,

I'm going to lose my insurance.

And if I lose my insurance,

I'm not gonna be able to

afford his outpatient care

and they're gonna

re-institutionalize him.

Sounds like you have a lot

of people depending on you.

You got this brother.

You're getting married,

having a baby.

Yeah.

You realize the same things

that make you a lousy salesman

are going to f***

you up as a father?

Or a husband, for that matter.

I mean, you're marrying this girl.

She's marrying someone who

refuses to get his hands dirty,

who lacks the balls

to ever really lay it on the

line for her or her child.

If you think I'm being unfair,

tell me to go to hell.

Like a man. Huh?

Mm-mm-mm...

Vince... get him out of here.

No, no, no. OK, 'cause...

they'll send me back to Bayview.

And I can't go back to Bayview. They

lock the doors on you at Bayview.

- I know.

- Then you have to say a promise to me,

that you promise me I don't

have to go back there.

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