100 Girls Page #3

"lf her skirt were any shorter,

she'd have other cheeks to powder...

and would have to put gloss

on another pair of lips".

I wasn't thinking any of that.

I think you're a nice girl.

I was lying.

I did think all those things.

She may not be perfect, but she oozed

sex more than a sponge contraceptive.

She had a cuteness that set off

my hair-trigger response.

She got my pecker to strain

like a dog on a leash.

What?

What's wrong?

- Nothing, I'm sorry.

- I'm trying to make it all better.

No. I'm all better.

- You don't like me.

- No. I like you just fine.

You're worried about

what people say about me.

I've never heard anything.

Sure you have. "lf she still has a

cherry, it must be pushed so back...

...she can use it as a taillight".

- I've never heard that.

Yes, you have.

My reputation precedes me.

It's okay. You know,

I'm all for experimentation.

What are these?

Are these stress balls?

To relieve tension, like Humphrey

Bogart did in that old movie.

"There's three ways to do

things aboard my vessel.

The right way, the wrong way

and my way.

If you do things my way,

we'll get along just fine".

- Those are my pinball balls.

- What?

Pinball balls. I put them inside of me,

I rock my legs and I get off.

Really?

I have to go.

- Hey, Matt.

- What's the matter with you?

Penile power.

It seems to be causing a little pain,

if you know what I mean.

- So what's plan B, Mr. Coyote?

- I'm gonna continue searching.

Everyday, between classes and

homework, I'll create a problem.

So they let me into fixit.

Man in the hall!

Once inside, I just figure out

a way to get in the girls' rooms.

Hello. This is Phil Gambone

calling from KR0K radio.

You won the morning prize.

A new car.

You should've been there the day

I turned the air-conditioner off.

It was a feast for the eyes!

And there was Cynthia Dessert,

the "crme" of womanhood.

She loomed as a titan in

my masturbatory dreams.

She's the perfect example of

the power women holdover men.

We're paralyzed by their beauty.

We're rendered speechless by it.

If we're lucky to say anything to

them, it all sounds like gibberish.

You're Matt,

the maintenance guy, right?

I need some help in my room.

How can a guy have a real

conversation with a girl like this...

when we're made so helpless?

In the animal kingdom, when

it is a test of dominance.

The first one to look away

is considered the weaker.

Between a man and a woman,

cards are stacked against the man.

Because, let's face it,

every time a guy meets a girl...

he wants to check out

her breasts.

A man must summon all his will not

to lookdown at those golden orbs...

whose wondrous tips are upturned,

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