$elfie Shootout

Synopsis: Two young and broke guys concoct an online contest scheme to get sexy females to submit their selfie for $25 a pop. They start by offering a $1,000 cash prize but as things go wrong and expenses balloon they ultimately inflate the prize to $1 million in order to attract more contestants.
86 min


You are unbelievable!

Ooh. Yes.



Oh, I want you to be my unicorn.

- Chub!

- Oh, dad!

You're not masturbating all over

yourself again, are you?

I mean, is that any kind

of life to live?

I'm trying to have

some privacy here.

It is my room, for god's sake.

Just get a girlfriend, not that.

I am, dad.

I'm trying to get one.

- That's what I'm doing.

- That's what you're doing?

Well, I got to see

if I like her first.

Besides, didn't I catch you

doing the same exact thing?

Once. One time. And I didn't

like it in the least.


You didn't like it.


Not for me.

Just get a girlfriend, will you?


You're the one.

This is on.

It's happening.

- Hi, there.

- Cigarettes.

No. Gum.

- Any kind.

- Is that it?

So just the one gum

and, um, the... vodka?

- Vodka?

- Mm-hmm.

What are you saying?

We don't want any vodka.

We want one gum.

That's all, okay?

We don't drink.

Yeah, we hate it.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah, I get it.

Wait. I saw you stuff it

into your purse.

It's that right... oh!

What time do you get off?

What time do you get off, baby?

Any time he wants, I bet.


We close at midnight.

Oh! Unh-unh.

- Make it 11:

- I can do that, yeah.

Make it 11, Amber.

I can't wait that long.

Okay. I can do that, too.

- 'Kay. 11.

- 'Kay.

Okay, 11.

I'm gonna be right here.

Keep the change.

Bye, papi.


It smells like perfume!

Dude, do you mind

if I stick around?

Yeah, you should stick around,

'cause this is happening!


This is happening.

- Hey, dad.

- Food in the freezer.

- What you got?

- Lasagna,

stuffed green peppers, sandwich.

In the freezer?

No, you idiot, the other side.

Whatever you call that side.

Well, that side's

the refrigerator, dad!

I know that.

Go some potstickers,

had some for lunch.


Mini burger things.

You know what I mean.

You mean sliders?

If that's what you'd call them.

The freezer's empty, dad!

I don't know!

Check the pantry.

Do I have to think

of everything?


Come in!

Do I have to do

everything around here?

Holy smoley, bone!

How many times

do I have to tell you?

Just come in.

I'm missing my movie.

I'm sorry, Mr. Moorhead,

but suppose I come in one day

and you're just

walking around naked?

Well, then you'd see

what a real man looks like.

What's with the laptop?

It's for checking stuff out.

What stuff?


- What you doin'?

- Jacking music.

Oh, yeah.

I Jack all my music.

What kind of idiots

pay for that stuff?

Idiots do.

I jacked 15 movies yesterday.

Oh, yeah? Well...

I jacked, like, $10,000 of

software in 45 minutes yesterday.

Big deal. I own all

the software ever made.

Oh, yeah? Well...

I invented jacking,

and in some circles

I'm known as

bone the jackulator.

Maybe you invented jacking,

but I downloaded

the entire Internet!

It's not that big

if you compress it.

Yeah, the Internet is all about

gettin' stuff for free.


Hey, what do you think

happened last night?

- About the babes?

- Yeah. I mean, we were...

Well, the only real explanation

is that they got

hung up somehow.

I mean, maybe...

Maybe they got the flu

or they needed to study


You know,

maybe it's a rain check

kind of situation.

Oh, rain check's good, right?

It means we get the same

exact thing only later.

- Wait. What is this?

- What?

It's an email that says

"young, vulnerable Russian women

just got off the boat."

What's that mean?

It means that they were sailors.

They just got out of the

military, which is a good thing,

because they're probably

really horny.

All right, wait.

"Looking for young American men

for a long or short term


Look at her!

Whoa! A babe!

We're doin' this right now.

Here we go.


American male...

Looking for a long

or short term relationship

with Russian ex-sailor.

What's the downside?

There isn't one.

- It's her.

- What, already?

In, like, three seconds?

She's hot. I mean, she's

got to be hot or...

- Read it!

- Okay, I am.

"I'm available

as soon as you can meet."



Meet her at McCloud.

Van nuys!

- But what do I do?

- Just meet her.

Meet her and I'll be

your wingman.

You're awesome! Yes!

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna meet her.

- What are you doing?

- The wingman dance.

- What is that?

- It's the wingman dance.

It's kind of awesome.

Can you teach me?

- Yeah. Just flap your arms.

- Flap my arms.

Yeah. Get that chest

involved a little bit.

- I got the chest going!

- Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna walk in there

and I'm gonna be like,

"what's up, lady?

I'm... I'm the wingman!"

No, no.

You're not the wingman.

I'm the wingman.

You're the man-man.

Two more "jackuitars."

- Thanks.

- Can I get you anything else?

- Uh, we're good.

- Yeah.


I'm gonna... I'm gonna go

sit over there.

I think it's better

if we're not together.

- 'Kay.

- Yeah.

Now, just watch my back,

'cause in case, you know,

it's a scam

or an attempted

strong-arm robbery, 'Kay?

- 'Kay.

- Got it. Boom.

All right, I got this.

Whew. Oh!

I forgot my drink.

- Oh, yeah.

- Thank you.

Yeah, it's good.

Good choice.

I got this. All right.

Here we go.

- Chub?

- Yes?

It's me,

your Russian dream girl.


So happy!

I don't exactly recognize you.

Easy mistake. So easy.

So happy you came.

You like to come, chub,

don't you?

You like that a lot.

You are the kind of man

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Ron Jackson

Ronnie Damien Jackson (born May 9, 1953 in Birmingham, Alabama) is a coach and a former player in Major League Baseball. He was the hitting coach for the Boston Red Sox in 2004 when they won their first World Series in 86 seasons. From 1975 through 1984, Jackson played first base and third base with the California Angels (1975–78, 1982–84), Minnesota Twins (1979–81), Detroit Tigers (1981) and Baltimore Orioles (1984). He batted and threw right-handed. Jackson was called up to the Angels after hitting .281 in 144 games for the Salt Lake City Gulls of the Pacific Coast League, and made his major league debut on September 12, 1975. In a 10-year career, Jackson compiled a .259 batting average with 56 home runs and 342 RBI in 926 games. Jackson played for managers Gene Mauch, Sparky Anderson, Dick Williams and Jim Fregosi. With the Angels, he hit a career-high .297 in 1978, and in 1979 posted personal highs in hits (158), doubles (40), home runs (14), RBI (68), runs (85) and games (153) for Minnesota. In that season, his .9943 fielding percentage at first base broke Rod Carew's Twins' record. Following his retirement as a player, Jackson coached for the Brewers, Dodgers and White Sox systems. The 2006 season marked his 18th year as a major league or minor league hitting coach, and his fourth with the Boston Red Sox. In his first two seasons with Boston, the Red Sox led the majors in runs, batting average, doubles, extra-base hits, total bases, on-base percentage and slugging average. In 2003 the Sox set ML records for extra-base hits, total bases and slugging, finishing one off the major league lead with 238 home runs. The Red Sox tied an ML record with 373 doubles in 2004. Jackson served as the hitting coach for the Round Rock Express, then the top affiliate of the Houston Astros from 2007 to 2009. He currently serves as a guest instructor at the New York Baseball Academy and coached Birmingham's Willie Mays Youth Baseball team to the 2014 championship of the Junior RBI Classic in Minneapolis. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "$elfie Shootout" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/$elfie_shootout_17293>.

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