With Honors Page #2

Excuse me?

I could use a new pair of underpants.

I'll bring you underpants.

Just don't burn any more pages.

I'll bring you underpants

and you'll give me my thesis.

Your thesis?

Is that what this piece of sh*t's

supposed to be?

- What's it supposed to be on, Harvard?

- Government.

Government.

I didn't recognize you! You're Dan Quayle!

You came back to finish your education.

Okay, Harvard. You study government,

so this should be easy.

You want something, I need something.

Go get me a glazed doughnut.

A glazed doughnut?

Make sure the glaze is not all broke.

And your underpants?

What about my underpants?

Clean underpants too! That's right!

- Great. Glazed doughnut--

- Pristine, glazed doughnut.

Pristine, glazed doughnut

and underpants. Okay?

What do I get?

Well, for each thing you get,

I'll give you one page.

- A chapter?

- No.

A page is a thing!

A chapter is a whole lot of things.

There are 88 pages in that thesis.

There are 83 pages now.

Looks I like I found a way to live

through the winter, Harvard.

I hope you got it. I just went through

two years of Lost and Found.

You didn't get it.

All right, all right.

Let's get you to the infirmary.

Perfect.

Glaze is almost perfect.

There's no point.

- Who are you calling?

- University cops.

No, let's negotiate.

How much cash do we have?

He can't eat money.

Doesn't money buy food?

Helga, you're brilliant!

I love you.

He's probably schizophrenic.

Most homeless are schizophrenics.

I have $50.

I can't pay you back soon.

I'll call my esteemed father.

If I can convince him

the money's not for me, maybe I...

You don't understand.

This guy could be using my thesis

for toilet paper, or eating it.

He has no respect for himself,

much less for what I'm struggling to do.

He liked tormenting me.

You should've seen the look on his face.

He wants me to fail.

Pitkannan advised Rapp's thesis last year.

He dropped him because

he didn't have a rough draft.

Oh, God!

You need rest. We'll get a fresh doughnut

in the morning.

I won't wait on this--

He doesn't know you.

I'm sure he doesn't want you to fail.

Just reason with him.

Just deal with him like a human being.

I know he's a human being. I smelled him.

He's a worthless, stinky, filthy,

useless human being.

Hello, Security?

Watch your step.

You bunch of scavengers!

Thanks for the doughnut, you little stoolie!

Come on.

Hey, Monty, is that him?

He's a little old man.

Officer, it isn't here! Now, where is it?

It's not down there and it's not on him.

You have violated

Cambridge city ordinances...

...and are charged with public intoxication

and/or vagrancy...

...and/or panhandling. If you plead guilty...

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