We Love You Page #3

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It comes in a little fist.

How cute is that? Pound it.

This is the essence of bro.

It's eau de bro.

It... is that gross? You're right. I

wouldn't want that on my body either.

Beautiful,

beautiful work, boys.

Tight is gonna flip a biscuit

when they hear about this.

Thank you.

Great.

How was your reaction

to the smell?

Oh, it was great. It was just,

you know, pure animal attraction.

Just women just coming at me,

and I had to, you know,

get them away.

When was the last time

you ejaculated inside of a woman?

Excuse me?

No, no.

Noah here

is a serial monogamist.

He's only had sex

with himself.

- Or a girl.

- In his dreams.

I swear to God

I've had sex.

It's okay.

I know what it is

to be celibate.

I...

That's the thing, though.

I'm not celibate.

- Shh, shh.

- I'm really not.

I have a long and very

turbulent sexual history,

to the point where, honestly,

doing the sticky-stuckus

has grown quite pass for me.

I prefer the intensity

of a good dream.

- Oh.

- Especially a sticky one.

I've trained my mind

to control them.

The ecstasy of a lucid

midnight emission,

ooh, incomparable.

I will partner with you

and show you how.

Oh, I'm...

- Take me up on it.

- I think I'm okay.

- I will show you.

- Okay.

I think he has

the hots for you.

I don't know about that.

Listen, me and Jess are about

to go out for some drinks.

You want to come?

Uh, no.

You guys go have fun.

I think

I'm gonna just stay here

and wallow

in my self-loathing.

All right, good.

Get some practice in, all right?

Thank you.

Love you.

Bye.

Oh, dude,

you smell horrible.

We all smell horrible.

That's Tight.

Go.

Have a good night.

Ooh, he's not wrong.

Well, the promo party's

an epic disaster,

on top of which I've designed

the world's worst-smelling

body spray,

and it's just my luck, while

destroying my monstrosity,

that's when I met Callie.

Damn, what did those bottles

ever do to you?

Could the concept be douchier?

Uh...

Kind of hard to believe

that someone actually made this.

Yeah, well, someone did.

And that someone is you?

That someone is me.

Do you mind if I take

a picture of you?

- Uh...

- With this?

I... um...

Okay.

Take your glasses off.

You're handsome.

Embrace it.

You should wear contacts.

Ready?

Sadder.

Sadder.

Perfect.

Well, I hope to see

more of your work someday.

Yeah?

Hey, I'm Noah.

I'm Callie.

Callie.

Could I get your...

e-mail or something?

No, I have a better idea.

This party's amazing!

I'm so excited!

Wow.

Secret party.

What?

I like this one of you.

I have a visible erection.

- Really?

- No.

Oh, then I'm not interested.

Oh.

I like you.

Why?

You keep it low-key.

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