Watermelon Man Page #2

but i must get back

to my desk.

$1 if you walk fast

and stop short.

$2 if you trot.

$5 if you run.

and $10 if you're

really a blonde.

[snickering]

gerber! in here.

yes, sir, mr. townsend.

and $50 if you're a fella.

ah!

the top of the morning

to you, mr. townsend.

how are you?

gerber, sit down

and stop being so damn happy.

it's depressing.

yes, sir.

gerber, i am not

going to mince words.

you have turned in

a very disappointing month.

well, i must say

i agree with you.

but considering

the time of year--

look, i'm just pointing out

it's a subproductive month.

i'm not asking why.

it's income tax time.

though people die,

they seldom buy.

gerber, look, i may as well

come right out and say this.

it's time somebody told you--

i've got bad breath.

bad breath.

you got something

much worse than that.

offensive perspiration,

midriff bulge, uh,

dingy dentures,

asiatic crud.

there, that's exactly

that kind of a remark.

you, gerber, are a smart ass.

a number one,

king-size smart ass!

i'm the best salesman

in this office.

you were.

but your rate of new policies

is dropping.

here, i've been going about

particularly trying

to sell policies

only to younger men

who can live longer,

and pay premiums longer,

and you don't appreciate it.

anybody can sell a policy

to a 90-year-old man

with a cough

and the shingles.

listen to me, gerber,

your customers

curl up their toes

at the same rate as all

of our other customers.

yeah, well, of course,

if 23 of my customers

go down in

a sailing boat accident,

that's bound to raise

the mortality rate!

what sailing boat?

uh, in the squall.

what squall?

oh, no, no, it was the train

the train.

33 of them went

right off the trestle.

what train?

uh, would you

believe a--a tidal wave

in kansas city?

a--a--a volcano

in poughkeepsie?

uh, mass suicides

in fire island.

gerber!

ok, mr...

mr. townsend,

about your breath...

[snickering]

[chuckling]

hey, look, make it

easier on yourself.

home, office?

your house.

ok, then. tuesday.

5:
30, very good.

good show.

see you then, john.

[chuckling]

6 out of 6.

the kid does tricks.

[humming]

clark dunwoodie, please.

oh, hi. hey, clark.

jeff gerber,

superior standard life.

hey, how about that lunch

i've been promising you, huh?

good show.

anytime you say.

(male newscaster on t.v.)

local black leaders

doing their utmost

to keep their pledge...

[sighing]

what are you trying to prove

with all that running?

don't bug me, althea,

i had a traumatic day.

13 appointments

out of 15 calls.

[chuckling]

(jeff)

is that all you watch?

race riots?

what are you, perverse?

it's an important problem.

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