Tig Notaro: Boyish Girl Interrupted Page #2

what makes me laugh

really hard.

And, um, I was making

a video one time.

Just like a funny sketch

with a friend of mine

where at the end

he ends up in a bathtub

with Santa Claus.

And there are websites

that you can go on

and find your perfect,

ideal Santa,

click on him,

hire him for all your

Santa Claus needs.

We could not find

the perfect Santa Claus.

And he said,

"Do you mind if we

take a break

and go to McDonald's

so I can get a couple

hamburgers?

And then we'll come back."

And I said,

"Man, whatever you need."

We go through the drive-thru,

he gets his hamburgers.

He said,

"I cannot wait to eat these.

Do you mind

if we just sit here

and I eat 'em

and then we go back?"

I said again,

"Whatever you need."

So he backs his car

into this space

and we're now looking out

over the entire McDonald's

parking lot

and I see this woman

off in the distance

acting utterly insane.

And I said,

"What do you think

she's doing?"

And he said,

"I don't know,

but I'm gonna film her."

He gets his phone out,

he presses record,

and you guys are me and him

in the car looking through

the windshield.

The second he pressed record,

a boat of a car

drove past us

and a man turned

and it was Santa Claus.

And I yelled, "Oh, my God,

it's Santa Claus!"

And he yelled,

"Oh, my God, do you think

he'll talk to us?"

And then he

shut off the phone,

we peel out

and just haul ass

chasing Santa Claus

down the street.

And we come up next to him

at the light

and I realize in that moment

I hadn't thought about

what I was gonna say

when we caught him.

And I said, "Hi.

Um, you know

who you look like, right?"

And he said,

"Santa Claus."

And I said, "Yes."

I said, "My friend and I

are making a video

and we wanted to hire you

to be in it."

He hands me

his business card

and as he's driving off

I look at it

and it said his name

at some very

conservative church dot-org.

And I said, "Oh, man.

This guy is not gonna get

into a bathtub with you."

Or maybe he will.

So we drive off

feeling defeated

and then I start thinking

about that video from earlier.

And I started laughing.

And I asked him

to pull the car over

to play it back for us

and he said, "Why?"

And I said,

"Because I feel confident

that we captured

the most ridiculous

footage

since the beginning

of time."

And then he

started thinking about it

and then we were

both hunched over

laughing so hard,

hyperventilating,

crying,

trying to push each other

away from each other.

We were laughing so hard,

we both became ugly people.

And we still hadn't even

seen the video yet.

And then he pulls

the car over

and he presses play

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