The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp Page #2

But war starts at midnight!

Oh, yes, you say war starts at midnight.

How do you know the enemy says so too?

But, my dear fellow, that was agreed, wasn't it?

Agreed, my foot!

How many agreements have been kept

by the enemy since war began?

We agree to keep to the rules,

and they go on kicking us in the pants.

When I joined the Army,

the only agreement I made

was to defend my country,

not only by the National Sporting Club rules,

but by every means that have existed

- since Cain slugged Abel.

WYNNE-CANDY:
Stop it.

They're counting on us to keep to the rules.

They openly boast about it!

Stop it!

Lieutenant...

..Watson, or whatever your name is,

you are not in Hyde Park,

with an audience of loafers.

I am Major General Wynne-Candy.

These other gentlemen have all seen service.

Distinguished service with the British Army.

When Napoleon said

that an army marches on its stomach...

I'd better stop, sir.

You're an extremely impudent young officer,

but let me tell you that in 40 years' time

you will be an old gentleman too.

If your belly keeps pace with your head,

you'll have a bigger one than any of us.

Maybe I shall in 40 years,

but I doubt it, and I doubt if I'll have time

to grow a moustache like yours, sir.

But in 1 983, at least I shall be able to say

that 40 years ago I was a fellow of enterprise.

I'll punch your head for that, young fellow!

You young puppy! Put 'em up. Take that.

I'll teach you!

Think you can say what you like to an old 'un,

do you?

Do you know how many wars I've been in?

I was fighting for my country

when your father was still in bumfreezers!

Puppy!

Gangster!

You laugh at my big belly,

but you don't know how I got it.

You laugh at my moustache,

but you don't know why I grew it.

How do you know what sort of a fellow I was

when I was as young as you

40 years ago?

DlSTORTED VOlCE:
40 years ago.

40 years ago...

- Everything you want, Mr Candy, sir?

- Yes, thanks, Peters.

Da da da

Da dum bom bom bom

Bop-a-bop-a-bum

MAN:
Da da da, da dum dum dum dum

Da da da-da da

Da da da, da-dum bom bom bom

Da da da-da da

BOTH:
Da-a-a-a-a!

Quiet!

Quiet! People are trying to sleep.

- Suggie!

- Hoppy, my old horse!

- Since when are you in London?

- Yesterday. Sick leave.

I say, I've been searching for you

all over the city.

- Yes?

- I'm terribly sorry to hear about your leg.

Jumping Jehoshaphat! It is there!

- What did you think I was standing on?

- I thought you had a wooden leg.

- Why should I have a wooden leg?

- They told me they cut off your left leg.

Can't have, old boy. I'd have known about it.

Quiet!

(Horses outside)

- Call a cab, porter.

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