The Inbetweeners 2 Page #2

- Goodbye, whore.

Simon, swear on your hoodie

you're not going to cheat on me.

What? No, please, Lucy,

that's my favourite.

- Lucy.

- Sorry, Simon.

But I just have to be sure.

I just love you so much.

I love you too, cuddles.

And finally, there's Neil.

At least he's made a new friend.

Buster.

I don't know what brand of shower gel

Neil uses,

but I suspect it might be Pedigree Chum.

And as we headed back to my room,

if I'd assumed watching some tow-level bestiality

would be the low point of my night, I was wrong.

Not again!

Is your room in space?

Thank you, arseholes!

They've done a pretty good job, to be fair.

I f***ing hate it here.

To be honest, I'm glad

I chose not to do uni.

- More reality than a choice.

- Exactly.

- Maybe we should go to Australia.

- And surprise the f*** out of Jay!

- I was joking.

- Why?

It's better than hanging round

old men's pubs and dressing up as magic.

We get four weeks off for Easter.

I dread spending it with Lucy.

- Can we afford it?

- Will, they invented student loans

so students could go on holiday.

And I got a sweet bonus this month.

I'm the cleverest non-Asian

in the department.

I have always wanted to go travelling.

I think I'd be good at it,

do it properly, not like Jay.

- How can you be good at it?

- He's staying in one place.

I'd explore, meet people,

come back a better and more rounded person.

He's getting sucked off every morning.

F*** it, I'm in.

So, goodbye, shitty Bristol.

I was off to Australia.

Now, petal, you know how much I worry.

- So I've got you a special holiday gift.

- Thanks, Mum.

It's...

a rape alarm.

What do you think is gonna happen to me?

- Petal, I think you might get raped.

- Right.

Sweetie, it's better to have a rape alarm

and not need it

than to get gang-raped in an alleyway by men

you may have, however innocently, led on.

- Hello, everyone.

- Hello, Kevin.

You sorry to see them leave?

Actually, it's handy Neil's going away.

Give me a chance to get some men in,

to decorate his bedroom.

- Virgin Atlantic flight V8301

- That's our flight.

I am gonna miss you, petal.

Yes, all right! Get off!

Be very careful, little soldier, OK?

- Your mum looks fit when she cries.

- Thank you.

- I bet she looked amazing when your dad left.

- Brilliant.

Off we went, running

away from our problems.

All I knew about Australia

was that if it could bite you,

sting you or eat you alive,

then it probably lived there.

But nothing had prepared us

for the beauty of Sydney Harbour.

And Neil was particularly impressed.

- What the f*** is that?

- What?

- That f***ing thing.

- The Sydney Opera House?

No, that thing, the spaceship.

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