The Deported Trailor: The Spoof Trailor of the Departed Page #2

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UncIe Jackie was a smaII-time bookie

who tended bar at the Vets in SomerviIIe.

He got popped by Nicastro in '95.

We found his body out by the airport.

That's right.

-I remember his funeraI.

-Oh, good.

CIosed casket?

That's right.

So teII anybody up at DeerfieId--

Before you got kicked out for whaIing

on a gym teacher with a chair.

--you had an uncIe met his demise

Iike that?

I got a question.

How f***ed up are you?

Hi, DarIene.

What you got, staff sergeant?

In no time you made sergeant.

-SIU. What a country.

-Perfect.

Hey, I don't mind going it aIone.

You know, if you went aIone once

in a whiIe you might get somewhere.

We're cops, aII right?

This isn't somewhere.

AII right, Iookit, I know you're a worker.

Maybe I can do something for you.

You got any suits,

or do you Iike...

...coming to work dressed Iike

you're gonna invade PoIand?

You got quite the famiIy tree.

That maggot uncIe of yours...

...Tommy Costigan, is another goof.

He gets busted seIIing guns...

...to federaI officers, among many,

many, many other departures...

-...from our normative behavior.

-And what's this got to do with me?

Why are you pretending to be a cop?

This unit is new, and you are

the newest members of it.

You have been seIected for it

on the basis of inteIIigence and aptitude.

This is an eIite unit.

Our job is to smash

or marginaIIy disrupt...

...organized crime in this city...

...by enhanced cooperation

with the FBI...

...represented here today

by Agent Frank Lazio.

And we wiII do it.

And by organized crime in this city,

you know who we mean.

That's Jackie Costigan.

That's an oId picture.

Jackie met his demise.

Last known photograph.

CosteIIo uses three key guys.

That's Fitzy. Off-the-boat psycho,

Iives in Brockton with his mother.

She's straight out of Going My Way.

DeIahunt, muscIe.

French, the number one.

But of course, the rock star, you-know-who.

We've done a briefing book, so read up.

I want aII ideas...

...so I can pass them off as my own.

Work hard, you'II rise fast.

You're in the best possibIe position...

...in the department.

Let's go to work.

Your oId man was a f***ing hump

from Southie.

Baggage handIer at the airport, right?

FamiIy's aII criminaIs except

for the oId man, huh?

And one priest, since you seem

to know everything.

Last I heard he was married to a 1 2-year-oId

boy, Iiving on a beach in ThaiIand.

F***ing famiIy's dug

into the Southie projects Iike ticks.

Three-decker men at best.

You, however, grew up...

...on the North Shore, huh?

WeII, Ia-di-f***ing-da.

You were kind of a doubIe kid,

I bet, right?

One kid with your oId man,

one kid with your mother.

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