Stanley Park Page #5

But with age comes experience

so by the time I'm 20,

(I'd be more like 12.)

Out of 10?

Is that a problem?

He's double locked it.

Lee!

Try round the back, sweetheart.

Can I get one out? He's an idiot.

He's a muppet.

Oh, good.

Oh, what? Oh, my...

Oh, you dirty bastards! I've just

had that table varnished.

I just saw his sex face.

Is she eating my

chargrilled chicken crinkles?

At least someone's getting some.

About time.

Right, I'm off.

You wait, you come back here.

Oi! Oi, you rotten little trollop.

Come back here.

I'm not done with you yet.

Mum, keep your voice down.

People will hear.

Oh, I'm sorry - did you not want

people to know!?

Come on, Julie.

Let's take it inside.

What, like she just did?

No, Rob. They should have at

least locked the back door.

I've just had a bowl of carbonara.

Come on, sweetheart.

It was just a shag.

Not on my newly

varnished kitchen table.

That is a place to eat dinner.

Not to shag a dog's dinner.

Oh, excuse me!

I like how it's all right for your

sons to act like Casablanca, but I

get painted as the scarlet woman.

Lee was quite happy to have a go and

I wouldn't have been round here

if your Harry hadn't have

winked at me this morning

and called me gorgeous.

She's right, Mum. It's not her fault.

We just got caught up in the moment.

Yeah, I was teaching him the art of

seducing a lady. A lady? You were

eating chargrilled chicken crinkles!

I couldn't help myself,

they were moreish. You are...

Oh, sh*t. Raggy!

Oh, f...

Yeah!

Oh, it's mental now.

Yes. Can I help you?

Oh yeah,

that's right, you piss off, darling,

now you've got what you came for.

But you just remember - when

your looks fade, you'll just be

another lonely old tart

like your auntie.

Lay a whisper on my pillow

Leave the winter

on the ground...

Ben, do you think Lee would

lay a whisper on my pillow?

I don't really know

how to answer that

because I don't know what

you mean. Just say the right thing.

Yes. Lee would lay a

whisper on your pillow.

I hope so, Ben.

I hope so.

Oh, look, this isn't helping.

You know what to ask

in these situations?

What would Beyonce say?

I think you know the answer.

To the left, to the left...

Properly. Sing it, girl!

To the left, to the left...

With hand movements.

To the left, to the left

Everything you own

in the box to the left

In the closet that's my stuff

If I bought it,

then please don't touch...

No, Ben, stop it.

This would never happen to Beyonce!

She's still a person, Raggy.

She still has feelings.

Just because she's beautiful.

I wish I was beautiful like Beyonce.

I think you are. And you'd

look dead good with a weave in.

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