Stanley Park Page #2

Looked like she was on a date.

Yeah, well, she wasn't interested.

He had a comb-over.

Accordin' to my brother, she

was shitfaced and he walked out

and left her with the bill.

Oh, piss off, Lee. As if.

I'm goin' up chippy.

Is anyone coming?

Oh, I see!

Like I want to be here anyway!

So, why didn't you poke me?

What!?

On Facebook. I poked you last

Thursday, you never poked me back.

I haven't even been online. Liar.

You wrote on Dirty Debbie's wall.

That was after I poked you

cos I see it on my news feed.

If you think I'm butters,

just say it.

I don't!

You're not even that fit. You're

only like a seven, not even a 10,

so why would I be bothered? Lee!

Yeah, that's my name. Sket.

Why are you being such a nob?

You are!

I don't get you.

I come up here with you all the time.

I listen to your feelin's

and how you were a bohemian poet

in your past life.

I was! How long's this been

goin' on? I mean, you only get

off with me when you're pissed.

Did anyone see that?

I don't care.

Ain't you got beautiful eyes?

Really?

Yeah. They're...

they're like a pond.

A pond?

I'm trying to be romantic.

No, no. That is quite romantic.

Yeah, I'm quite a

romantic person, actually. I like

cooking and hoovering.

You're like the perfect man.

Maybe.

My mum and dad are out

tonight with Harry and Sadie.

Celebrate their engagement. Oh yeah?

Yeah. Empty house.

Right. You could, like,

come over if you wanted?

Really?

If you want, like. Do you want me to?

Only if you do. Yeah, but, do you?

I don't care.

Well either you do or you

don't, Lee. Just make a decision.

Don't be a nob jockey!

You will be!

What?

Nothing.

God, we're so Sex In The City,

ain't we?

I'm like the Carrie Bradshaw

of Croydon.

Even though Raggy thinks she is.

And you, you're like

that Stanford Blatch.

You know, the bald gay one

with glasses. Oh, piss off.

You're so Samantha, anyway.

What, cos I can get anyone I want?

Not really like you're aiming

that high, though, is it?

Er. 'Scuse me.

I got winked at

by Harry Stevens this morning.

And he called me gorgeous.

I doubt that, sugartits.

Are you sayin' he's

out of my league? Um, yeah!

Well, you know who's out of

your league, Ben? Ken Dodd.

I'm sorry about earlier.

You know what I'm like. I'm just,

like, nervous.

No, I know. No, I mean it.

I am. And if you think I'm a

dick for sayin' it, I don't care.

I'm just not very...

Lee. It's OK. I'm nervous as well.

Does your mum know I'm over tonight?

I've got something for you.

Lee, who are you with? What?

No! I'm not a slut!

What!? I didn't say you were.

What? Aftershave!

Go away!

What? Are you with your mum? No!

I can hear laughing.

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