Spaceballs Page #3
- PG
- Year:
- 1987
- 96 min
- 2,769 Views
VESPA can't hear her.
DOT Will you turn that thing off.
VESPA What? (takes off the headphones) What is it?
DOT I was saying, do realize what you've done.
VESPA Yes, and I'm glad. Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad. (puts the
headphones back on)
DOT I wonder if she's glad.
SPACEBALL CITY - INT. PRESIDENT SKROOB'S OFFICE - NIGHT SKROOB is
talking to someone on the phone.
SKROOB Don't be ridiculous. As president of Planet Spaceball, I can
assure both you and your viewers, that there is absolutely no air
shortage whatsoever. Yes, of course, I've heard the same rumor
myself. Thanks for calling, and not reversing the charges. Bye.
(hangs up phone) Shithead.
He opens a desk drawer. It has a lot of cans in it. He takes one and
opens it. The can says, "Perrier Salt-Free Air." He starts
breathing the air.
COMMANDERETTE (appears on the wall) President Skroob.
SKROOB (throws can behind him and closes the drawer) Yes.
COMMANDERETTE This is Central Control, Spaceball Commanderette
Zarican speaking, sir.
SKROOB Yes, what is it Commanderette?
COMMANDERETTE Lord Helmet has informed us that Princess Vespa is in
sight, and Spaceball 1 is closing in on her.
SKROOB Good, good.
COMMANDERETTE We have both ships coming up on the teledar, sir, if
you wish to observe.
SKROOB I'll be down immediately.
COMMANDERETTE Shall I have Snotty beam you down? SKROOB I don't
about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?
COMMANDERETTE Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was
wonderful.
SKROOB All right, I take a shot at it. What the hell, it works on
Star Trek. (steps into the beaming pod)
COMMANDERETTE Snotty, beam him down.
SNOTTY (O.S.) Yes, sir. Immediately, sir.
SKROOB beams out of his office.
INT. CENTRAL CONTROL - NIGHT SKROOB reappears. His head is on
backwards.
VOICE(O.S.) Gees feesetes, what's happened to his head?
COMMANDERETTE It's on backwards.
SKROOB This is terrible. Do something.
SNOTTY I'm sorry, sir. There must have been a microconverter
malfunction.
SKROOB (lifts up the tail on his suit) Why didn't somebody tell me
ass was so big.
Everyone else looks and snickers.
SNOTTY Hold on, sir. We'll try and reverse the beam. Could be the
interlocking system.
SKROOB scratches his leg.
SNOTTY (flipping switches) Lock 1, Lock 2, Lock 3, Lock lone.
SKROOB beams out.
INT. PRESIDENT SKROOB'S OFFICE - NIGHT SKROOB reappears, back to
normal. COMMANDERETTE appears on the wall.
COMMANDERETTE Are you all right, Mr. President.
SKROOB Fine, fine, no thanks to you.
COMMANDERETTE We'll beam you back, sir.
SKROOB Forget it. Forget it. No more beaming. This time I'm gonna
walk. (walks through the door)
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