Snakes on a Plane Page #3

This better be a matter

of national security.

Did I just hear

there's no first class?

I'm afraid only coach

is available.

Coach?

Is it safe there?

Yes, it is safe there.

Never flown

first class before.

See, things are

looking up already.

So how long you and Mr. Personality

been working together?

Um... five years,

one blown marriage each.

He's the toughest

son of a b*tch I ever met.

Wow.

Yep, that's us.

The glamour

and the glory.

Flynn, the captain's patching us

through to Harris for the flight.

Harris,

Special Agent Harris.

Harris, so how's

the new promotion?

- I'm loving it.

- That was a little quick.

- Wanna try again?

- No no, I'm serious, man.

You know, no more-- no more

junk food hangovers

after all-night stakeouts,

you know?

I'm actually spending nights

in bed with my wife.

She's hot.

You know, and my kids,

you know, forget about 'em.

They're kids.

I'm just spending every

waking minute with them.

You know, they're fun.

Please, this is me

you're talking to.

You know you miss it.

You miss the action.

You're bored to tears. So what are you

actually doing with your time?

- Surfing the net.

- Porn, no doubt.

No, hey, eBay,

my cynical-minded friend.

I'm right in the middle of a bidding war

with this punk-ass kid from lowa

for this black velvet...

Pamela Anderson poster.

Not technically porn.

So how's

Eddie Kim doing?

You ain't gotta worry about him.

He ain't going anywhere.

No, I got three teams on him,

so he's not gonna move.

All right, I'll see you

on the other side.

Are you sure

about this?

Accidents happen.

You think I didn't exhaust

every other option?

He saw me!

You're gonna be right down

this aisle to the left.

- Thank you.

- Oh, look at the little baby.

- He's beautiful.

- Thank you.

Oh, beautiful.

- Cheese.

- First, they stick me in coach

and then they put a freaking dog

next to me. What the hell is next?

Oh, you're adorable.

Okay.

Oh, great.

Just great.

Is there

a problem, mister?

Oh, gee,

what do you think?

Will you at least

get that vermin to shut up?

Don't worry, Mary Kate.

His hair plugs

can't hurt you.

F***ing dog, f***ing coach,

f***ing Americans!

Hi. Oh, I'm really sorry about first

class. Let me see if I can help--

Oh, oh, sweet-- Could you let her know

not to touch me, son?

Oh, please,

don't touch the man.

Man don't like to be touched.

We'll find our own seats.

Oh, sorry.

Here's some coupons.

- You all right, man?

- Yeah, I'm all right, man.

All right.

Coach ain't looking

so bad after all.

Bad boy.

Hey, yo, check it.

Check it out, check it out.

You like that.

Baby got back, front

and side-to-side.

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