Simon Amstell: Do Nothing Page #3

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but I can't really say at a dinner party,

because people will say, "Well,

why have you got hummus on your chin?"

Because it's sort of seemingly arrogant

and blasphemous.

I don't think it's blasphemous.

Speaking as God, I'm not offended.

But I feel...

He... That actor was in that shop

at the same time as me.

I don't believe in coincidence.

I think coincidence is a word we invented

for something we don't quite understand yet.

On the cover of this book is a blue feather,

because the characterlauthor of this book

believes in the philosophy

"thinking makes it so.

"We create our own reality."

He tests this by visualising a blue feather

in his fingers.

He believes, like Buddhists,

that everything has already been achieved.

Time is an illusion.

So if he feels he has

the blue feather already,

it will come to him

because there's nothing opposing that idea.

Later in the book, the blue feather appears.

I tested this myself with a white feather.

I felt I had the white feather in my fingers.

Not that I needed the white feather

or desired the white feather,

it had already been achieved.

Later, I was at a picnic,

I put my hand in a packet of crisps,

which is something I wouldn't normally do.

I pulled out a crisp with a white feather on.

Which is disgusting.

But there he was in the shop.

And I don't know how you feel.

Maybe you think,

"Well, he walked into that shop

"at the same time as you with his own legs."

No, I put him in that shop with my God-mind.

Now, some people will say, "Well, you know,

if we do create our own reality,

"what about the Holocaust?

What about victims of child abuse?

"Do they create that in their world?"

And the thing you have to understand

about that is...

Shh!

For whatever reason he was in that shop,

I knew I had to approach him,

because this was a moment,

and I couldn't have any more regret.

Um, I also knew I couldn't go up to him

with my personality.

I don't know if you can tell fully,

from the tone of my voice,

this is not a voice that lends itself

to getting sex or relationships.

What you need is a less anxious,

a cooler voice.

Like, I don't know why there's still

so much anxiety in my life.

The other day, a guy approached me,

and I wasn't sure if I'd met him before or not,

and in the panic of the moment,

I just said, "I've got that jumper."

And I didn't.

I went out with someone...

I went out with someone for quite a while

who wasn't that keen on that aspect

of my personality.

And we were in a supermarket together,

and a friend of his, who I hadn't met before,

approached us,

and because I hadn't met this guy before,

I got instantly nervous.

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