Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

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and the undead has yet to be staged.

Mr. Bennet!

Mr. Bennet?

Mr. Bennet, have you heard that Netherfield Park is occupied again?

By a Mr. Bingley

A young single man of large fortune

Mrs. Long says his income has grown to 5,000 a year!

He is attending the village dance tonight.

How does this concern our warrior daughters?

How can you be so tiresome?

You know I mean for him

to marry one of them.

Daughters do not dance well

with masticated brains, Mrs. Bennet.

You sir have already put them

at a decided social disadvantage

by insisting they do their combat

training in China as opposed to Japan.

The Chinese deadly arts have no equal!

I for one would trade nothing

for my Shaolin training.

You mustn't speak like that Lizzy.

I should like to go to the dance.

Do you think Mr. Bingley's handsome?

With his income Lydia, you'd think him

handsome if he had half a zombie face.

You'll make me very very happy.

Well I suppose if we all go.

No!

I don't care to be paraded like

a herd of heffers at a farm auction.

That's because you're the cow whose least

proficient in the art of tempting the other sex.

Moo.

Do not mistake my indulgence

for relaxation in discipline.

They must find husbands Mr. Bennet.

For as you know too well, they

shall inherit nothing when you pass.

Their immediate survival is my present concern.

Be patient.

Can I say you're easily five times as

beautiful as any other woman in this room.

- Stop it Liz.

- It's true.

These girls don't stand a chance.

They say Mr. Bingley brought a

train of London dandies with him.

Smile Liz.

I will later.

There's the handsome new master of Netherfield.

It was my understanding that

Captain Bingley was in want of a wife.

Oh he is!

Those are his sisters: Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst.

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