Noises Off... Page #3

- Sorry?

- The sardines.

- What sardines?

- We're up here working our asses off,

and there are four plates of sardines

coming on in Act I alone.

You want something instead of sardines,

is that what you're saying?

You want Poppy

to mash up some banana?

We don't want four plates

of mashed banana.

We're changing the sardines.

- We're not angry at you, Poppy.

- No, we think the sardines are lovely.

I'm perfectly happy

with the sardines if you are.

I am, if you are, hon.

Garry, what exactly are you saying?

Simply this. Here we are,

busting our guts up here, and Christ.

- I see. You got that?

- Um, well...

Right and on we go, from Dotty's exit.

And Poppy?

- Yes?

- Don't let this happen again.

Oh, no.

I just thought

we should get that straight.

- Of course, as long as Dotty's happy.

- Absolutely happy.

Would you do something for me?

Anything, sweetheart.

Take the sardines off with you.

- [Garry] I'm sorry about this.

- [Brooke] That's all right.

We don't want the television, do we?

She's been in the family for generations.

Great. Come on, then.

I have to be in Basingstoke by 4:00.

Perhaps we should just have champagne.

Take it up with us.

Don't let my files out of sight.

- No, only...

- What?

She has been in the family for generations.

Sardines!

It's not for me to say of course,

dear, only I will.

Take the plunge,

you'll really enjoy it here.

- Great.

- Won't she, love?

- Yes.

- And we'll enjoy having you.

- Won't we, love?

- Terrific.

Sardines! Can't put your feet up

on an empty stomach, can you?

See? She thinks it's great.

She's even making us sardines.

I think she's terrific.

- Terrific.

- So, which way?

Before she comes back with the sardines.

- Up here?

- Yes.

- In here?

- Yes!

It's another bathroom.

Always trying to get me in the bathroom.

I mean, in here.

- A black sheet.

- That's the linen closet.

This one!

- You're in a real state.

- Come on, then.

You can't even get the door open.

[doors banging]

This is Mrs. Clackett's afternoon off.

We've got the place entirely to ourselves.

Look at it.

Hold it!

And God said, "Hold it"!

And they held it,

and God saw that it was terrible.

- [Garry] Sorry, the door won't open.

- Sorry, folks, this door won't close.

And God said, Poppy!

Am I doing something wrong?

You know how stupid I am about doors.

- Freddie, darling, you're doing it perfectly.

- As long as it wasn't me who broke it.

And there was Poppy.

And God said, "Be fruitful and multiply.

- "And fetch Tim, to fix the doors".

- God, I love tech rehearsals.

She loves tech rehearsals, isn't she just...

Where's Dotty?

- Everyone's always so nice to everyone.

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