My Man Is a Loser Page #2

words, the rhyme...

Prostitution is a viable option

As I ponder my thoughts

Go deep into my psyche

Do I really like me?

F*** the world as it stands today!

You have a gift. You have a gift.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Do you think you can get me a record deal?

Record deal?

Who does she think she's f***ing? CeeLo?

- It's f***ing hockey, not hopscotch, buddy!

- Wheel! Wheel!

Man, your sister's killing me.

She thinks I don't care.

She's got no idea

how much is on my mind right now.

See, you guys have like a combo platter

going right now.

You both care, but, you know, not enough.

You gotta up the care.

Give her a little attention.

It's that simple.

Yeah, up the care? What do you know?

You haven't been in a relationship

in over three years.

Yeah. That's what makes me an expert.

While you were getting married to

my sister, losing half your manhood,

I've been in trenches

dating women of every culture.

Banging here and there.

- Can't believe you never got an STD.

- STD.

Listen, when you f*** Guatemalan twins

in 10- degree weather without a shirt,

a cold doesn't stand a chance.

- My immune system's on steroids.

- Did you really do that?

Yeah. I showed you the pictures.

- This guy doesn't hustle! Hustle, please!

- What have you got?

Hey listen to this, Lianne tried to get me

to a parent's dinner the other night.

I felt bad, but I just couldn't stomach it.

Marty, it's getting

embarrassing for all of us.

Grow a f***ing

backbone!

You know what,

you give in to a parents dinner,

next thing you know

she's resting a drink on your head

and you're giving her a foot rub.

She's going to need a foot rub with

all the working out she's doing.

She's like the Jewish Flojo.

You know what it is with you?

You lost your...

You were a cool kid, you know that?

It's your f***ing walk. That's what it is.

- What's wrong with my walk?

- It's like you're falling all the time.

- So, sometimes I feel like I'm falling.

- Yeah.

You know what I do?

I put a song in my head like...

Like The Stones, Sympathy for The Devil.

Or if I'm trying to appeal

to a kind of a cooler crowd,

Jay- Z, 99 Problems.

Okay, yeah. I like Jigga Man.

- Yeah.

- All right.

- Get out there and score.

- All right.

- Go.

- So I take this girl on a date,

and the first thing out of her mouth is,

what are my intentions?

- What the...

- End it.

- But it just started.

- End it!

If it starts that fast,

it's gonna end that fast.

And you be the one to do it.

I don't need a broken- hearted center.

- Peter, get the f*** out there. Go.

- Come on! Let's go, blues!

What've you got for us?

Nobody's happy.

Life is an illusion,

and part of life is to be unhappy.

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