My Fair Lady Page #2

instead of the way you do

"Why, you might be selling flowers, too"

PICKERING:
I beg your pardon.

"An Englishman's way of speaking

absolutely classifies him

"The moment he talks he makes

some other Englishman despise him

"One common language

I'm afraid we'll never get

"Oh, why can't the English learn to...

"... set a good example to people

whose English is painful to your ears

"The Scotch and the Irish

leave you close to tears

"There even are places

where English completely disappears

"Why, in America

they haven't used it for years!

"Why can't the English

teach their children how to speak?

"Norwegians learn Norwegian,

the Greeks are taught their Greek

"In France every Frenchman

knows his language from 'A' to 'Z'

"The French don't care

what they do actually

"As long as they pronounce it properly"

"Arabians learn Arabian

with the speed of summer lightning

"The Hebrews learn it backwards

which is absolutely frightening

"Use proper English,

you're regarded as a freak

"Oh, why can't the English

"Why can't the English learn to speak?"

Thank you.

See this creature

with her curbstone English...

...that'll keep her in the gutter

till the end of her days?

In six months I could pass her off

as a duchess at an Embassy Ball.

I could get her a job

as a lady's maid or a shop assistant...

...which requires better English.

What's that you say?

Yes, you squashed cabbage leaf!

You disgrace to the noble architecture

of these columns!

You incarnate insult

to the English language!

I could pass you off as the Queen of Sheba.

You don't believe that, Capt'n?

Anything's possible.

I, myself, am a student of Indian dialects.

Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering,

the author of Spoken Sanskrit?

I am Colonel Pickering. Who are you?

I'm Henry Higgins,

author of Higgins' Universal Alphabet.

I came from India to meet you!

I was going to India to meet you!

- Higgins!

- Pickering!

- Where are you staying?

- At the Carleton.

No, you're not.

You're staying at 27A Wimpole Street.

You come with me.

We'll have a little jaw over supper.

Indian dialects have always fascinated me.

Buy a flower. I'm short for me lodgin'.

Liar!

You said you could change half a crown.

You ought to be stuffed

with nails, you ought!

Here, take the whole bloomin' basket

for a sixpence!

A reminder.

How many are there actually?

PICKERING:
How many what?

Indian dialects?

PICKERING:
No fewer than

...are recorded as vernacular in India.

Shouldn't we stand up, gentlemen?

We've got a bloomin' heiress in our midst.

Would you be lookin'

for a good butler, Eliza?

Well, you won't do.

"It's rather dull in town

I think I'll take me to Paris

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