Mountain Men Page #3

with my baby boy.

Mom, I don't want

to dance right now.

Thank you.

Look, Mom, I'm sorry

for yelling, but...

Shut up and listen to me.

Okay.

Your father is dead.

Jesus, Mom.

Yeah, I know.

I don't think you do, Cooper,

because you weren't here.

This is supposed to be

a celebration.

It is.

We're going bowling tomorrow.

-Bowling?

-Yes, bowling.

And I'm putting you

on the same team as Ken

so you can bond

because you're family now.

Well...

Toph said he's gonna take me

up to the cabin, actually,

-so I'm gonna have to...

-The cabin? What for?

There's a squatter.

And he's like

defecating everywhere.

It's awful.

Father, give me strength.

Don't say that.

Okay, fine, go.

But I want you

to do something for me.

Anything.

I want you to talk

to your big brother.

He's not doing

as well as he lets on.

Road trip, britches!

Yahoo!

Come on, say it.

Whoo!

Did you bring a flashlight?

We are prepared

for every eventuality.

-How are you even doing that?

-Doing what?

That's just so wrong.

I've never heard of a law

against it.

Give it here.

You're honking.

All right, f*** it.

Think you can handle it?

Think you can handle

that p*ssy toker?

Yeah. I used to smoke

a ton of weed in high school.

A ton.

-A ton.

-What?

This makes me paranoid now

that I don't smoke it.

Not around me you didn't.

Yeah, 'cause you would've

f***ing smoked it all.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

How's that?

Yeah!

Still got it.

Thanks, dude!

Hi. This is Monica.

Please leave me a message.

Hey, look, I don't blame you

for not picking up, okay?

I just hope you've

had enough time to realize

that I made

the right decision.

Even if I didn't make it

in the most mature way possible.

You said it yourself that

your path is leading back to LA

and, you know, who knows

where I'm gonna end up?

Anyway, it's not that I didn't

have strong feelings for you.

I did. I did.

It's just that I didn't think

we were a good bet, that's all,

So I promise this is the last

time I'm gonna bother you.

All good?

Yeah.

Sweet.

So what exactly is our plan

for this squatter?

Kick him the f*** out.

Do we have any weapons?

Anything?

I think there's

a didgeridoo in the back.

You got a didgeridoo.

That's great.

You thought of everything.

He's probably just some hobo.

You know, he's a hobo.

Yeah, with a sawed-off shotgun

and a f***ing copy

of Mein Kampf.

That is the big city talking

right there.

You sound nuts, man.

God, I forget

how far up this was.

Yeah, well it's the middle of

the middle of nowhere, man.

So Dad was living up here

full time?

What the hell

was he thinking?

He was thinking that

civilization is for pussies

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