Max on Set: The Hangover Page #2

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- Yeah. What's wrong?

- I shouldn't be here.

Why is that, Alan?

I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet

of a school.

- What?

- Or a Chuck E. Cheese.

BUDNICK:
Mr. Wenneck, I was...

- It's the weekend.

I don't know you. You do not exist.

- Sh*t.

DOUG:
Heh, heh, heh.

- Nice car.

DOUG:
Yeah.

- I'm driving.

DOUG:
Whoa, no chance, buddy...

Don't step... God. Watch the leath...

Shut up and drive before these nerds

ask me another question.

- Animal.

- Who's this?

- It's Alan. Tracy's brother.

- I met you, like, four times.

Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?

MELISSA:

Don't forget your Rogaine.

STU:

Rogaine, check.

And don't forget to use it.

I can totally tell when you forget,

your hair just looks thinner.

Using of the Rogaine, check.

Make sure to call me

right when you get to the hotel...

...not like that conference in Phoenix.

I had to wait two hours

for you to call me.

Yeah, I was the keynote speaker.

I was late to the podium.

- Still?

- Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.

- What is the matter?

MELISSA:
I don't know.

I hope you're not gonna go to

some strip club when you're up there.

STU:

Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley.

I don't even think they have strip clubs

in wine country.

Well, I'm sure if there is one,

Phil will sniff it out.

[SIGHS]

It's not gonna be like that.

Besides, you know how I feel about that.

I know, I know. It's just boys

and their bachelor parties, it's gross.

You're right, it is gross. Mm-mm.

And you know what else, honestly?

Why would I risk this for,

you know, a couple of minutes...

...of some 19-year-old hard body

in a schoolgirl outfit?

- Yeah.

- Why would I ever need, like...

- You're right. And if you ever do...

- What?

...I will f***ing kick your ass.

Thank you. Thank you for that.

That is exactly what I needed to hear.

Not to mention it's pathetic.

Those places are filthy.

And the worst part is...

...that little girl...

...grinding and dry humping

the f***ing stage up there...

...that's somebody's daughter up there.

- I was just gonna say that.

See? I just wish your friends

were as mature as you.

They are mature, actually.

You just have to get to know them better.

PHIL:

Paging Dr. F*ggot.

Dr. F*ggot!

- I should go.

- That's a good idea, Dr. F*ggot.

Have a good weekend.

I'm gonna miss you.

Whoo!

Road trip!

[SCREAMS]

Vegas! Vegas, baby!

Vegas!

[LAUGHS]

You're nuts!

Come on, just till Barstow.

Everybody's passing us.

Absolutely not. I promised Sid.

I will be the only one driving this car.

Besides, you're drinking.

Oh, what are you, a cop now?

You know I drive great when I'm drunk.

True. Don't forget,

Phil was always our designated drunk driver.

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