Mary And Max Page #4

Because I am good with numbers

I had to work out how many

ballpoint pens the Army needed.

One day they did a security check

and asked whether I was a member

of any radical groups.

I told them I was a member of

the New York Science Fiction Fan Club.

They said this didn't count

but dismissed me anyway.

Fortunately, I did not remember

to tell them I was once a communist.

Have you ever been a communist?

Have you ever been attacked by a crow

or similar large bird?

When I was 9, a crow attacked me

on my way to school.

I had to have three stitches

and in spring I now wear a helmet

with eyes I have painted on.

People laugh at me

when I wear my helmet.

I'm not sure why.

People often confuse me

but I try not to let them worry me.

New York is a very busy

and noisy place.

I would prefer to live

somewhere much quieter

Iike the moon.

I don't like crowds, bright lights,

sudden noises or strong smells.

New York has all these

especially the smells.

I often wear nose and ear plugs

when I go outside.

It helps keep me calm.

I find humans interesting but I have

trouble understanding them.

I think, however,

I will understand and trust you.

You appear very happy and I think

you would smell like a shrimp

as I know Australia

has a lot of shrimps.

Can you speed-read?

I have taught myself to read

two pages at once

one eyeball per page.

I have to go now

even though I have not told you

about my 7th job,

in a condom factory.

Write back soon.

Your American friend,

Max Jerry Horowitz.

PS. Please find enclosed

a photo from one of those booths.

PPS. Thank you for the Cherry Ripe

and I am glad you like chocolate

as much as I do.

I have never eaten

sweetened condensed milk

but I will try some this week.

PPPS. I have never used a condom.

Gey gezunterheyt.

Max hoped

Mary would write again.

He'd always wanted a friend.

A friend that wasn't invisible,

a pet or rubber figurine.

He counted the stars and wondered

how many days, hours, minutes

it would take his letter

to reach Australia.

Vera was not impressed...

Aaaarrgh!

..not impressed at all.

This nutcase would not be her daughter's

penfriend, she thought.

There was enough ugliness in the world.

Mary would be home from school

in an hour

enough time for another cup of tea

and a bit of cricket to soothe the nerves

and dissolve the memory of Max's letter

from her pickled mind.

Yeah, he's out.

Unbelievable. 14. England 7/150.

Stop! Wait!

Hey, fellas, you got room

for one more bag?

Sure, Mrs Dinkle. Hop in!

Good one, Kevin!

Aaaarghhh!

Come on, Vera.

We've got some other bags to pick up!

Ooh. Hmm.

Mary, is that all the rubbish?

Yep!

See ya, Toots!

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