Lola Versus Page #2

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It's just, Luke is my partner in crime.

He's the person I want to wake up with

and I want to go to bed with.

He's the whole reason I went back to school

to get my PhD.

Now I can't even afford to do that

without splitting the bills.

That is not true. You can still go to school.

Work at your mom's restaurant part-time

like after we graduated.

What are we gonna do about our friends?

How do we split them up?

- I mean, you don't really have that many friends.

- That's true.

Except for Henry.

Henry is a mutual friend.

Honestly, Lo, this is good. You know?

You met Luke your junior year abroad.

I mean, you were a baby.

You need to be on your own again...

...dating other people, letting them stick it in,

knowing what that feels like.

You've never been with anyone else.

That's not good for character.

You know? Look at me.

Being single builds character.

Ugh. Oh, I'm sore.

- Who is it?

- Hey, it's Henry.

Okay, come in.

- I gotta go wash my vagina.

- Why?

What, you never just washed your vagina?

- Hi.

- Hi.

This is a consolation lasagna.

Just put it there.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know if you

want to see me right now or...

I don't know if

I want to see you right now.

You look terrible.

I know it's weird.

You don't have to pick a side.

No, I know I don't have to.

Are you serious? You have to pick a side.

You are prettier than him.

And I'm a better person.

So you say.

She's like Mother Teresa!

Only younger.

But not that much younger.

This is number one on Yelp

for best bar in a scary neighborhood.

You're gonna love it.

- It's crowded.

- I'm dressed for a barbecue.

- Okay, let's get a drink.

- Okay.

If I gave you all my heart

Would you take it?

Would you break it?

Would you take it?

Don't matter to me

Hello.

Would you tell me that we're through?

Can't tell me it wasn't true

Excuse me? Bartendress?

Or would you lie to me?

Oh, here she is.

- Good? Good?

- Oh, yeah.

- Good?

- Yeah.

What's happening?

.I'm..

- Let it out.

- I'm having a panic attack.

- Okay, okay. Let's go.

- Okay, okay.

Keep going. Excuse us.

- It's okay.

- Sorry.

Bye!

Sorry. Excuse us.

- You okay? Do I need to call 911?

- No. No.

Okay, look, breathe, breathe.

It's okay. Everything's okay. Look at me.

Slow, slow it down.

Good. It's just a bar, okay?

It's just a bar.

Everything's fine. I'm right here.

Okay?

Can you get me a cab?

Yeah, yeah. Just wait right here.

Hold on, I see one.

Oh, taxi?

Hi. Sorry, can you just wait one second?

Hi. Are you at home?

Do you have any of that tea

that makes you skinny?

No, but I crushed as many amphetamines

as I could in here, so that should do the trick.

I feel like an idiot.

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