Life Partners Page #2

---

Now it's a hotbed

for pedophilia.

Crazy. Disturbing.

Oh, my God.

Are you okay? I'm sorry.

It's so f***ing annoying 'cause, like,

I'm here, and I just want to drink,

and this guy is staring at me.

I think he recognizes me

from TV.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Buddy, you got a pen?

You want an autograph?

No? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Weird.

You are so beautiful.

God, you're beautiful. Wow.

Who tells you you're beautiful...

other than me?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just...

It's really quiet in here.

All I can hear are mouth sounds.

I'm gonna put on some music.

Uh-oh. Are you a control freak?

What? No.

No? Well, I just thought

there's this...

and then you have,

like, four recycling bins.

Well, uh, I am

an environmental lawyer...

and clearly

a better person than you.

Well, I don't know about that.

I'm the best there is.

I wake up in the morning.

I piss excellence.

What?

Uh, Ricky Bobby,

Talladega Nights.

Oh. I haven't seen that.

Well, as long as

you've seen Lebowski.

Uh, well, I've seen

the first half of it.

What?

Are you saying you watched the

first half of The Big Lebowski,

then you shut it off?

I... I feel like

you're treating me...

as though I just told you

that I'm a sex offender.

Wow. That... I mean,

this is much worse,

I have to tell you.

My goodness.

- Are you married?

- What?

"Husband" is calling you.

Oh. No.

That's my best friend Sasha.

We just have this stupid joke.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I'll prove it to you.

- Hi, Sasha.

- Okay, you're answering the phone,

which means you had just as

shitty of a date as I did.

Or you just got really wasted and

f***ed him like an hour into it...

and he's already gone. Uh...

Remember that? What was

that guy's name, Cory...

- I'll call you back.

Cory, huh? That, um...

It only took Cory an hour?

I... Um...

I don't usually

do things like that. Um...

What were his moves?

It was, um...

You know what? I'm over it.

Okay.

It's fine.

We all have our Corys.

Mmmmmmm.

There you are.

How was your date?

Uh, you first.

Where do I start? Um...

Well, she is a baritone.

Um, she has a tattoo of the

female symbol on her wrist,

and her license plate

says "BABY BOI," with an "I."

- Are you peeing?

- Yeah.

I love how you call me

right before you pee...

instead of just waiting the

10 seconds till you're done.

Hold on one second.

You're on speaker now.

I'm brushing my teeth.

I think that my favorite part

of the date...

was when she put up

two fingers...

and said... "Sit on it."

Ew!

What? Why? I don't know.

I think she thought

she was flirting.

So, how was your date

with "Gotcha"?

Was he wearing a message tee?

Um, he was.

And he quotes movies a lot.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes