Just Around The Corner Page #2

Was alive

when he climbed into your property

and then he had...

a fatal heart attack.

In the night.

I would have seen him.

I have a 200 watt security light,

powered by my new wind turbine.

Yeah,

we're going to get a security light.

What, powered by that?

Isn't that one of the windmills

that Don Quixote charged at?

Ha, very good.

Look, mate, that body is just

one of those unanswerable mysteries

like the Marie Celeste or

who assassinated Tony Blair

or why the Shard fell down

or why the...

Oi, you!

Did you see how this got here?

Nah, didn't see a blind zero, bruv.

Indeed...

Was that me?

No, that was thunder, Mick.

Hey, do you want to sleep

the night in our shed?

Never sleep in a room with only

one door, me mum taught me that.

And to never cook

a tortoise in a microwave

You remember your mum, then?

Yeah, she gave me this.

Advice and wisdom and stuff.

It's a shopping list.

No, might look like

a shopping list to you.

Look, I used to teach adult

literacy, I could teach you to read.

To read what? Words?

Yeah, words.

So I could read tattoos?

Um, tattoos, yeah.

And signs and books even.

So I could read tattoos so I'd know

who's in what gang and stuff?

Well, yeah.

So what does that say?

That's a number plate,

they're not words.

You can't really read, can you?!

Good try, Mr!

You ain't tricking me

out of a kidney that easily!

'And that is the true

religious message of Chrislam...

'that everybody is right

and nobody is wrong.'

Another scorpion in the outside bog.

Er, listen, Mick...

That's the last of

the Jeffery Archers.

I shall miss wiping my arse on him.

Yes, Mick...

Other side, bad ear.

Uh, Mick, your granddaughter

has some very good news...

Oh.

Which is that she has a boyfriend.

What, a proper boyfriend,

not like the other one?

I had no way of knowing

he was a woman.

No, no.

No, no, of course not, darling.

Anyway, this admirer

of Kia's, I haven't met him,

but he makes her happy...

which is great.

Oh, yes, of course, no, absolutely.

Terrific, princess.

And also, the interesting

thing about him, is that he's...

Well, he's...

He's what?

He's...

Well, the interesting thi...

He's Dutch.

I met him up the dump last week

and since then,

we've gone scavenging together

a couple of times.

Oh, that's nice, isn't it, Granddad?

Dutch?

F***ing Dutch!

All right, Mick, let's..

Poxy, immigrant scum, they come

over here, they take our work,

they take our houses,

they steal our turnips.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't

condone all this cloggy bashing...

Well...

But let's be honest,

they bring it upon themselves.

All I am saying is, why are they

all bloody well over here...

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