Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Just then, RANDAL exits the video store, locking the door behind him.

RANDAL:

What'd I tell you two about dealing in front of the store? Drop the kid and peddle your

wares someplace else, burn-boy.

(walking away)

And for the record, The Time sucked ass.

He exits. Jay, Silent Bob, and the Teens watch him go. After a beat--

JAY:

Yo-youse guys wanna hear something fucked up about him and the Quick Stop guy?

INT. QUICK STOP-DAY

Randal joins Dante behind the counter. Dante rings up a customer, a half-eaten submarine

sandwich sitting on the counter. Randal grabs it, takes a bite, and starts reading a

newspaper.

RANDAL:

Hey, can't we do something about those two stoners hanging around outside all the time?

DANTE:

Why? What'd they do now?

RANDAL:

I'm trying to watch Clash of the Titans, and all I can hear is the two them screaming

about Morris Day at the top of their lungs.

DANTE:

I thought the fat one didn't really talk much.

RANDAL:

What, am I producing an A&E Biography about 'em? I'm just saying they shouldn't be

loitering around the stores like they do.

DANTE:

Neither should you, but we let you stay.

RANDAL:

See, man--if you were funnier than that, ABC never would've cancelled us.

DANTE:

What?

RANDAL:

Nothing.

Enter Teen 1 and Teen 2, chuckling.

TEEN 1

Two packs of Wraps.

(beat)

Yo--how was the service?

RANDAL:

What service?

TEEN 2

The one at the Unitarian church where you two got married to each other last week.

RANDAL:

What the hell are you talking about?

TEEN 1

Jay said you had a Star-Wars--themed wedding and you guys tied the knot dressed like

storm troopers.

TEEN 2

Yeah. And he said you're the bitch and you're the butch. Oh, sorry-- the Leia and the

Luke.

DANTE:

I'm the bitch?!

RANDAL:

Well if we were gay, that's how I'd see it.

Rate this script:(3.67 / 3 votes)