If You Could Only Cook Page #2

-You guarantee that?

-Absolutely.

-What do you say?

-Well...

Now you listen to me, mister.

The worst thing in the world is to get

where you close your mind to a new idea.

Any man who is up against it

and just sits back and does nothing

and is afraid to try something new,

why he's better off dead.

He is dead.

He doesn't know enough to lie down.

We are the new cooks and butler.

Right up the drive to the end of the house.

You been looking cook's job?

My wife, she cooks, I am the butler.

Man who lives there just crazy. Good luck.

Soon she will be ready.

Then we add the garlic.

Now we're coming to it, Flash.

We see what she gonna do with the garlic.

What I'd like to know is, can she fry an egg?

That's the trouble with you.

Food is just food!

But my stomach lives for good things.

For sauce flourney for six people,

a medium-sized piece of garlic, like this.

-I drop it in the sauce.

-You put the garlic in the sauce?

Not in my house

you don't put the garlic in the sauce!

Get out, get out, get out, get out!

-Can you imagine garlic in the sauce?

-Garlic in the sauce.

What are you doing hanging around?

What are you doing?

Get out, get out.

Will you give me

a small piece of garlic, please?

And you drop the garlic in the sauce, eh?

What do you mean, drop it in?

Well, all the cooks usually drop the garlic

in the sauce.

Garlic should never be used lavishly

in this particular sauce.

You want only the ghost of a shadow

of the flavor of garlic.

-Oh, just the ghost of a shadow, eh?

-Yes.

Of course, the proper thing is not to put

the garlic into the sauce at all.

You merely hold it suspended

between finger and thumb

6 inches above the saucepan,

and gently waft it back and forth like this.

You see? Not 2 inches, not 3 inches, but 6.

There.

Taste that.

Give him a taste.

The job is yours.

Now, besides the other stuff

I want you to do around the house,

I want you to drive my car.

-You know anything about the cars?

-Oh, yes, sir.

Well, I just bought myself a Buchanan Eight.

I think I should be able to handle that, sir.

You got references, ain't you?

-References.

-Well, ain't you got references?

Or ain't you got no references?

You know, letters from the last place

where you work.

Well, unfortunately, sir, our trunks were lost

when we arrived on the boat

this morning from England.

-England?

-Yes.

-Surely you've heard of England, sir?

-What boat did you come on?

-The Mauretania.

-Who did you work for in England?

Why, it was Lady Blythe-Coffin.

Undoubtedly you've heard

of her ladyship, sir?

-How long were you on the job?

-About two years, I think. Wasn't it, dear?

-lt seemed as long as that, dear.

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