How to Plan an Orgy in a Small Town Page #2

your sh*t out of it?

I will rip the batteries

out of that game thing

so fast,

your head is gonna spin.

Stop treating me

like a child, mom.

Take this casserole

over to Maureen's.

- No one's even there.

- If that little tramp

daughter of hers turns up,

she'll need food.

- Did you make me one of these?

- -This is the house

where Maureen wrote every

single one of the books.

Okay, now it's also

the inspiration

for Victoria's childhood home.

And this tree right here, folks,

this is the tree where

Victoria had her first kiss.

Also, the tree where Mr. Cobell

proposed marriage.

- Sorry about your mom.

Go ahead and take some photos

if you want.

Thanks, Seth.

Do you play

father-daughter warfare?

I have no idea what that is.

Ovulation begins

in t-minus five days.

Now, I've given

your secretary the itinerary,

and she's freed your schedule

for the corresponding times.

Those are non-negotiable.

3:
00 P.M.

means 3:
00 P.M.

Not quarter after.

I'm sorry I was late today.

Now, when you walk in that door,

I want you to be fully aroused.

Okay, sweetheart?

Fully aroused, yeah.

This is fun, huh?

- Sweetie, this isn't for enjoyment.

- Right.

You know, the doctor said that we need

to keep a steady flow of semen going

to maximize our chances

for when the time comes.

We don't want to be the only 30-year-olds

in town without a child, do we?

Uh-uh.

We just need to keep

the semen schedule. Okay?

- All right.

Adam, we need to finish.

That's my work ring though.

...Oh! God, Connie!

Oh, my god.

Can I just answer it real quick,

and I'll get back to you?

Okay.

Adam Mitchell.

Hi.

Uh...

It's Cassie Cranston.

Uh, uh, hi.

So, you're a lawyer.

Um... uh, honey,

it's um, it's... it's super dry.

Um, wills and estates,

mostly, yeah.

When did you get back into town?

Just now.

- The library's gone, huh?

- Yeah, yeah.

It burned to the ground

about eight years ago.

It was a huge fire.

It was a terrible tragedy.

Those poor schoolchildren with

nothing to do with their free time.

Uh, right. So,

I need to plan the funeral.

Oh, I did that already.

I did it all by myself.

Oh, god...

sorry, where were we?

- Everything okay over there?

- Yeah.

I'm, uh... I'm...

I'm glad you're in town.

Why?

Well, you know,

you're next of kin,

you got to sign the, uh,

documents... relevant documents,

there's all sorts of stuff,

and, uh,

I mean, I just always kind of assumed

you would never be coming home.

Well, my mom died.

I mean,

why wouldn't I come home?

- 'Cause of the article?

- Yeah, right, of course.

So, when do we read the will?

After the funeral.

Right.

Okay, well I've bothered

you after business hours,

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