Hall Pass Page #2

"That would be inappropriate, Paige."

- Come on, it's for the--

- No, Paige.

What are you thinking?

I'm a married man. I have children.

You think they'd like me at the river

alone drinking with a coed?

I never said alone. My boyfriend

and his roommates are down there.

Okay, you better head inside now.

Good night, Paige.

Ew.

- What the hell were you thinking?

- Okay, scoot along now, Paige.

Oh, thank God, you're still awake.

Quiet. Gunnar just fell asleep.

Okay. Let's tiptoe.

- Be very quiet, but still excited.

- Ha, ha.

- Okay.

- Ha, ha.

I'm scared.

- Can I sleep with you tonight?

- Aw.

- Daddy?

- No, absolutely not.

Daddy, words hurt, you know.

- Well ....

- Come on, she's scared.

- We can let her--

- What? Are you serious?

Look, this isn't just about her

cock blocking me.

I don't like that my daughter needs

someone to sleep with her every night.

That's not gonna be good

when she goes to college.

Well, can someone

at least read me a story?

Okay, one quick story.

Jump up.

And what is this new expression,

words hurt?

- Where did you get that?

- Mommy.

- Mommy?

- Mm-hm.

Okay, well,

Mommy isn't always right.

You know what my dad had?

A belt. Yeah. Now, that hurt.

"Amazingly, our plan worked.

The gum kept the door from banging, and

we never heard 'Don't slam the door' again.

The end."

- There. You look pretty, Daddy.

- Good.

Okay, that was the last ponytail.

It's time for you to go night-night.

Give me a big hug and a kiss.

Mwah. Mwah.

- I love you, Emma.

- I love you more.

No, I love you more.

Honey? Honey?

Honey?

No. No.

I won. Uh.

Come on.

Let's go to the slides, Gunnar.

Can you believe

all the talent here today?

I know.

I mean, look at this buffet of ass.

Imagine coming here back

when we were single.

- Ooh. The damage we would do?

- Ha, ha, oh, boy.

Oh, man. Oh.

- Hey, did you get any action last night?

- Nah.

Came close, but kids were awake

when we got home.

- What about you, you get lucky?

- No.

Well, I mean, kind of.

You know, Grace conked out

right when we got home...

...so I snuck out to the car,

rubbed one out.

What are you, Knight Rider?

Why cant you do it in the bathroom

like every other guy?

What, and get caught by Grace?

No way. I can't risk that. Uh-uh.

No, besides, cars turn me on.

It's where I lost my virginity.

So I go out there, put the seat back,

pump some tunes.

It's pretty nice.

That's one of those things

they don't tell you, huh?

What?

That you're still gonna be jerking off

after you get married.

I mean, I thought that was just gonna be

a teenage thing, right?

Yeah, I didn't see that one coming.

I gotta get going.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes