Everybody Wants To Be Italian Page #2

Change your bait.

- Get your rod back in the water.

- l'm still in the game.

l'm gonna get her back.

Miles! Come on, boy.

Miles!

Uh-uh. You lose an animal?

Yeah. Cats don't stray too far, though,

he should be around here somewhere.

Actually, felines are known

to hunt for miles...

outside of their own home territory.

There he is. Right there.

- See him?

- Oh, good.

l know what he wants.

Yummy.

- Thank you.

- No problem.

Give him a few minutes.

The smell is irresistible.

l'm almost finished with my classes.

Taking night classes, you know?

Finish my degree.

- l'm not all about the fish, you know.

- Of course.

Psychology.

The study of the very ill by the very odd.

Yeah, well...

So...so...

- Are you...are you involved?

- Depends on what you mean.

l mean, are you involved with anyone?

Are you looking to have

a good time with someone?

Are you interested in going on a date?

Yeah, l'm not really looking.

Oh, no, no, no, not for me!

l'm married, see, l got a ring.

lt's for a friend of mine,

a kid who works here in the store.

Jackass can't seem

to pull his sh*t together to find a wife.

Yeah... l'm pretty busy.

Course. We're all busy.

l'm sorry.

Sorry.

Come on. Are you...are you single or not?

- Technically, l'm single. But...

- Yes!

- Yes! Stay right here.

- No, no, l'm not really looking.

- Just stay there. Please!

- Oh, God.

Don't move!

Gianluca, come here. Come on.

- Thank you, but l've been seeing...

- Come on.

- Gianluca.

- ..someone...

- What did l say?

- Oh, yeah. She's attractive.

- Yeah.

- l'd have to see her without clothes.

- Naturally.

- Excuse me?

- Hips are shapely. Childbearing.

- Sweet, huh?

- Would you turn round?

- No.

- Spin around.

- Let's see you.

- Wait, wait.

- She's perfect. Let's set 'em up.

- Are you available?

- No, not really.

He's wicked good-looking.

Six feet tall, abs like Michelangelo's David.

We'll bring him to the next

ltalian singles party. Meet us.

- lf you like what you see, you wink.

- And if you don't, you just leave.

- No obligation. He'll never know.

- ltalian singles party?

- l don't think so. l'm not even...

- lt's fun!

A bunch of ltalians, singing and dancing.

What could be better?

Just hear me out. A lot of food.

- Lot of food.

- Booze, dancing.

- Girls.

- And best yet, single ltalian girls.

- What could be better?

- What could be better?

How about forks in my eyeballs?

Bamboo shoots under my fingernails.

- No, this bad idea. He's not ltalian.

- Nobody's gonna know.

l don't want to pretend to be ltalian

to hang out with a bunch of guys...

in gold chains and half-unbuttoned shirts.

- What?

- You too good to be ltalian?

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