Doctor in the House Page #2

if the doctor

said he was popping to the pub,

but if he says he's going to chapel,

they're quite impressed.

- Hello, Grimsdyke.

- Tony. Been home yet?

Not yet.

Did you see that Indian girl?

Hello, hello! Are we going to be

knee-deep in boiled rice this term?

Oh, I beg your pardon. Simon Sparrow,

Tony Benskin and Taffy Evans.

- How do you do? Do you play rugby?

- A little.

- What's your position?

- Wing.

- Any good?

- I was in the school team...

Wonderful.

Just the sort of fellow we need.

I shan't have time for rugby.

No time for rugby?

Don't be blasphemous.

- Ah, rugby...

- Here you are, gentlemen.

- Five shillings, please.

- Well, Mrs Rivington-Lomax.

- Here, here.

- Five shillings.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- Cheers, Sparrow.

- Yes, cheers.

- Got some rooms yet?

- Not yet.

- There's a list. I'll show you.

- Thanks.

- Have you met Hubert yet?

- No.

You must meet Hubert.

He's one of your ancestors. There.

- What is it? A specimen?

- He'd be offended at that.

He's the mascot, idol and oldest

inhabitant of St Swithins.

My dear fellow, I'm so sorry.

Sir Lancelot Spratt presented him

to the college as a student.

St Crispins tried

to pinch him after the championship.

Wizard set-to that was.

Three fractured mandibles.

- Hello.

- Hi, Tony.

Here we are. Digs, digs, digs...

"Two students have spare room,

nine-foot-six by six-foot-nine."

- How tall are you?

- "Medical student received..."

We're all just one big,

happy family here, aren't we?

Home from home. We're free

to come and go as we please,

as long as it isn't

after 10:
30pm.

And we don't have visitors

in our rooms, Mr Williams.

We don't spend more than ten minutes

in the bathroom, Mr Barton.

And none of us smoke in our bedrooms.

Now, Mr Porter's Ancient Greek.

- Mr Williams is Economics.

- Greetings, comrade.

- This is my daughter Millicent.

- How do you do?

Mr Sparrow's a medical gentleman.

How nice. I always think it's nice

to have a doctor in the house.

Saw a lovely film

about a doctor once.

He operated on a beautiful girl

and married her.

Come in.

Doctor, I'm sorry to trouble you

but will you examine my foot?

Well, I'm not really a doctor.

I'm only a student.

That's almost the same thing,

isn't it?

Well...

What's the, er, matter

with your... foot?

I think I must have twisted it

or something. It's ever so painful.

- Well, all right.

- Oh, thanks.

Don't bother to take off your

stocking. I can manage with it on.

- That hurt?

- Yes.

Does that hurt?

Yes, but I don't mind.

You've got such lovely, soft hands.

There's nothing seriously wrong.

- Cold poultice, that's the thing.

- Is that all?

- That'll do the trick.

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