Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Page #4

-[Door Shuts]

- [Sighs]

[Door Slams]

- Can I help you?

- Oh, my God.

I'm lookin' at a dead man.

You know, Claire told me

that Antoine's place was messed up,

but I had no idea.

- Claire?

- The hooker you ass-punched.

That was a misunderstanding.

And I intend to have everything

fixed by the time Antoine gets back.

I'm just-- I'm just a little

strapped for cash right now.

Maybe there's somethin'

we could work out.

Claire mentioned

that you dabble in harlotry.

- I'm sorry?

- You a man-whore.

-Well, I tried that for a couple hours--

-See this ring?

Topaz.

That's my mother's birthstone.

Got that from man-whorin'.

See this key chain?

That's right.

Mini yo-yo. Know where I got

the money for that?

- Man-whoring?

- Stock market.

But I got the money for the stock market

from man-whorin'...

and representin'

man-whores like yourself.

So...

you're a pimp?

T.J. don't consider himself

no pimp.

More of a male madam.

That wasn't

too well thought out.

[TJ.] Look at this proud fish.

It's like a coyote--

king of the jungle.

It's like Antoine.

He don't need no pimp.

Then look at this

mid-level fish here.

Works hotels, conventions,

senior centers.

I represent several man-whores

at this level of the game.

Now look at

this little fella,

at the bottom, tryin' to

get busy with the scuba man.

You know, if you work hard

and listen to me,

this could be you.

Well, thanks,

but I already have

a job.

I clean fish tanks.

- You gon' make $150

cleanin' fish tanks?

- $150?

Yeah. Fish ain't

gon' pay for all this.

I don't know.

You know, Antoine's

got a bad temper.

I remember once

I dropped a cigar ash on his rug.

He made me pick it up

with my anus.

Well, maybe I could do

a couple jobs,

Just to get this place

fixed up.

We got a lot of work

to do.

% I believe in miracles %

% Where you from %

- % You sexy thing %

- % Sexy thing, you %

% I believe in miracles %

Aaaaah!

% Since you came along %

% You sexy thing %

Aaaaaah!

[Groans]

- [Tape Rips]

- Yeeeee-aaaaah!

[Scream Continues, Reverberates]

You a man-whore now.

I'm so proud.

Thanks, T.J.

Now remember,

it's a business.

Never, ever fall in love.

[Car Starts, Races Away]

[Buzzer Lock Sounds]

[Low, Masculine Voice]

I'm upstairs!

Okay, Deuce,

don't fall in love.

I know what you're thinkin'.

You're thinkin' those are

the biggest boobies you've ever seen.

Can I please

use your phone?

I'm not your average woman.

I like sex,

and I'm not afraid to adm--

[Wet Coughing]

Excuse me.

I just had pudding an hour ago.

- Dear God.

- You ever parked your bicycle

in an airplane hangar?

- I'm sorry?

- You ever thrown a toothpick

into a volcano?

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