Detention Page #3

---

She knows the "Fields of Gold" lyrics.

Every little thing she does is magic.

- Believe it.

- I believe in things I can see.

I believe in violence.

I believe in trees,

mortgages and albinos.

Wet T-shirt.

Patrick Swayze was only

an action star for three years.

Steven Seagal is a lifelong Buddhist

and a deadly master of aikido.

Wrong. Mullet beats ponytails.

Red shirt.

What if that innocent cow

was your son?

Or your daughter?

Now, scientists don't know

whether fish feel pain...

...so some vegetarians

still eat salmon and stuff.

But do you know how much pigs

or, like, veal suffer?

Is the only reason they live

just to be killed?

Meat is murder.

Nice work, Riley.

Now, for the counter-argument,

we turn to Gord.

Gord is our Canadian

exchange student...

...from Lunenburg, Nova Scotia...

...where I hear the salmon

is delicious.

Gord?

Yes, I'd like to start off by saying

that this girl's argument is ridiculous.

Vegetarians who eat fish

are hypocrites.

She thinks because fish may feel

no pain, they don't value their lives.

Absurd. And notice how she expresses

almost no sympathy for chickens.

That's because Americans

hate chickens.

For example,

KFC serves popcorn chicken...

...to assure the customers

that the chicken was blown to bits...

...yet the meatball sub at Subway

isn't called "popcorn cow."

Americans want chickens to die.

Lame! Personally,

I do feel sympathy for animals...

...which is why I choose

to only eat baby animals.

They have not lived as long

and are not leaving as much behind.

Baby clams, chicken wings,

baby seals, no big loss.

If we don't eat meat,

we lose our place in the food chain.

Eating animals gives us confidence

as humans.

Vegetarians like this girl,

who is only wearing one shoe...

...have less confidence

than everybody else.

Thank you, class. Ms. MacIntyre.

Very well researched, Gord.

And, yes, it's true.

Teenagers need self-confidence.

Clamato:
the only animal-mammal

beverage at the grocery store.

Which is too bad, because I could

really go for some carbonated dolphin.

Why must you interrupt

my solitude...

...in the worst day of the worst life

in Grizzly Lake history?

- You're not the girl who f***ed a bear.

- That was 20 years ago.

And she was a pervert.

I'm a mascot.

It's one rank lower

on the social ladder.

It's true.

I've been thinking about stuff.

Nudity, mostly.

You know, we don't talk much...

...but I like to believe we've been

sort of friends for a while.

Arguable, but not outlandish.

Okay, this human-conversation thing

is not working for you. Let's text.

You better not sext me.

Not interested in the rules.

Yeah, I figured.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes