Delta Farce Page #2

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at Chattahoochee?

I don't think they all reported in.

They drill at the Reserve Center

down on Highway 8.

Perhaps you should send Sergeant Kilgore

down there to see what we have.

Kilgore?

He scares the sh*t out of me.

All I'm saying is some of them girls hadn't

ought to be wearing little shorty-shorts.

That's all I'm saying.

Well, what's Crystal supposed to do?

You know Hooters

don't got a maternity leave.

Hey. Who's the new guy?

How you doing, GI Joe? Can I help you?

Sergeant Kilgore.

I'm looking for the men

that didn't mobilize with this unit.

- I ain't seen them.

- I think they went over to...

Who's in charge here, soldier?

- I am.

- I am.

This is

quite a setup you got here.

Oh, yeah, it's nice.

We're like a water-head

at the theme park in here.

It's real comfortable.

We're about to watch the game.

You can join us if you want. Grab a chair.

I tell you what, son. You know, I like you.

Why don't I grab a chair,

and shove it up your ass!

Now, stand at attention,

you miserable pissants!

From now on,

you will address me as Sergeant Kilgore!

The honeymoon's over, numb nuts!

I am a warrior,

a killing machine,

and your mama's not

here to wet-nurse you.

Larry's mom passed away

about four years ago.

Yeah, that's true.

She went squirrel hunting

with my Uncle Lester...

Shut up!

I don't know what kind

of horseshit monkey business

has been going on down here,

but that's all about to end, ladies.

This is the Army.

We're just state military reserves.

Yeah. Smurfs.

And I'm a leprechaun.

Now, pack your gear.

But we're just weekend warriors.

Well, I'll tell you what, fat body,

this weekend,

I own your ass!

Son of a b*tch.

If there was ever a worse

excuse for a soldier,

I'd like to meet him.

Hey, y'all.

I got Funyuns, beer, and Barely Legal.

Who wants what?

Well, hey, there, Sarge.

Snap into a Slim Jim.

Well, this looks like a little slice of heaven.

Can they do this to us?

It's the army, man.

They can do whatever they want.

Welcome to Fort Davis, ladies.

I want another one! Come on! One more!

Up, up, up! Down, up!

All right, you're all mine now.

You ready, Freddy?

Oh, there you go. How about that? Huh?

You like that?

- Get back here!

- What are you doing?

Watch out! Watch out!

Get up there!

Take it like a man!

Get out of here!

You gotta stay clear...

- Come on, Everett. Let me hold it.

- No, no. It's mine.

Look out!

Yeah!

This is a little harder than I thought.

But I guess it's the price you pay

to be a trained government killer.

I didn't think they could activate us.

I mean, if I wanted to get my ass kicked,

I'd have stayed home with Connie.

I guess it easier for

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