Death At A Funeral Page #3

You'll love it. All right, got to go. Bye.

Do you always open the door half naked?

Come on, Jeff, we're gonna be late.

All I got to do is just put some pants on.

And this is my house, so...

You all right, man?

- He's fine. He's just freaking out.

- Is he okay?

- A car almost ran into us, and I was yelling.

- And this guy just jumped right in our lane.

- I didn't see him.

- He did, he totally did.

- I'm sorry, baby, I...

- No, baby, it's fine. It's fine, okay?

You guys are funny.

Hey, what do you think?

- Yes, no?

- No.

- Go put on your pants, please.

- All right.

And make sure they're black, Jeffrey!

Okay, Mom.

- I'm so hungry.

- God, my heart is racing.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Oh, here. Take this one.

It'll calm you down. Jeff won't mind.

What do you mean, take one of those?

What is that?

It's Valium. I used to take it all the time.

It's gonna make you feel better, I promise.

- Valium, are you sure?

- Yeah.

- Yes.

- You know, I shouldn't be taking

someone else's pills, right?

- No, it's okay.

- I got to drive and...

Babe, I'll drive. All right?

Just open wide. There we go. Take...

Let's do this.

- Oh, my keys.

- Jeff, you're wearing sneakers?

- They're black, Elaine.

- But they're sneakers, Jeff.

Is he gonna be any less dead

if I'm not wearing sneakers?

- Forget it. Let's just go. Can I just...

- No, I got it.

Okay.

- Come on, Jeff.

- I'm coming. I'm coming.

- We're waiting.

- Oh, shoot!

I still can't believe he's gone.

You can't understand death

until you've given life.

- Hey, Mama.

- Ryan, my baby!

Hey.

Mama, I know this is hard,

but it's gonna be okay,

and we're gonna get through it.

Oh, Ryan, you always know

exactly what to say, always!

I guess if people died every week,

we'd see you all the time.

- Hey, big bro. How you doing?

- Holding up.

- How was your flight, Ryan?

- It was okay.

But I had to buy the seat next to me.

I just can't do the small talk any more.

And while I'm sitting there, up in first class,

they march all the broke people through.

And a couple of them eyeballing me,

mad because I'm snacking on warm nuts.

So I'm like, "Take your broke,

no-nuts ass to the back of the plane."

Plus, there was tons of turbulence,

but I guess that's the thing

about flying first class.

No matter how much you pay,

if the plane crashes, you still end up dead.

- End up dead!

- I'll make sure she's okay.

- Please.

- End up dead!

You always know just what to say.

My bad.

Hey. I love it when you come

to family functions, man.

Because Dad takes his pure hate out on you.

- Jeff.

- I'm joking. Oscar.

You okay?

Was there a dog in here just now?

- What?

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