Dara O Briain: Craic Dealer Page #4

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Much like yourself.

LAUGHTER:

APPLAUSE:

When we go, "Hey, what do you do?"

we genuinely know nothing, we haven't a clue about stuff.

Particularly people who work in large organisations.

Do you work in a large organisation?

- You work for yourself? What's your name, firstly?

- My name's Keith.

- How are you, Keith? Are you a local?

- No, I come from Dunblane.

You've come from Dunblane. Good to have you down, Keith. Andy Murray, of course...

- Keith, what do you do?

- I have my own business.

You've your own business?

Oh, you're at the top of that kind of stuff, right?

Oh, this is exciting.

- How many people do you employ, Keith?

- Only three.

Only three.

Keith, you are the bedrock of this economy.

You have three now, but Facebook started with three,

four or possibly 12 - I don't know.

Apple.

They all started with three.

Keith, you will take your industry and you will...

- What do you do?

- I sell furniture.

You sell furniture. Maybe not so much.

LAUGHTER:

Really, most of us have chairs at this stage, Keith, it's done.

- Do you make it or sell other people's furniture?

- Sell other people's.

You sell other people's furniture.

What's the big thing going out the door at the moment in Dunblane?

- Hardly anything.

- Hardly anything?

LAUGHTER:

Harsh, Keith.

You say you've got three, is one looking a big shaky at the moment?

Have you already got your eye on which one it is?

Is it last in, first out, or is there a difficult chat to be had?

"We're not selling a lot of chairs here, lads, tick-tock, tick-tock.

"That's all I'm saying.

"Bring some of those lamps home and see if you can shift them

"on the open market at the weekend. Back of the car - anything."

What's the...?

Any ridiculous thing that you've never had to shift?

How many beds do you have, for example?

- A dozen, or so.

- A dozen, or so at any given time.

Do you ever...? Do you ever sleep in the office?

Do you ever...? Do you ever jump from one to one?

Do you ever line them up, right...?

It's quiet, you're not selling anything.

Do you ever line them up and bounce from one bed to the other?

Have you ever come back and caught the lads doing that?

They make tunnels... They make forts out of all the furniture.

Oh, the fun they have when you're not here.

When you f*** off down to Edinburgh to see the show, do you know what they've done to the place?

It's insane. Two of them are dressed as cowboys,

the others as Indians, they're firing arrows across the place.

"Shite, Keith's back! Flatten the beds."

How big are the beds? How small are the beds?

- Oh, up to seven feet square.

- Up to seven foot square?

- Who the f*** needs a seven foot square...?

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