Dangerous When Wet Page #2

I was tired, run-down, irritable.

- After only one bottle...

- Just as I thought, muscle-bound.

I thought so too.

And now we come

to our big amateur contest.

All right, step up,

talented citizens of Arkansas.

The winner will receive, free,

a case of this wonderful elixir...

...Colonel Cassius Carver's Liquapep.

- Hello.

Who'll be the first contestant?

Step right up. Come on.

Come on, folks, step up.

Don't be bashful.

Hey, it's Suzie Higgins.

Oh, Miss Suzie Higgins.

Take it, kids.

I got all this stuff, Ma.

We can go home now.

- Where's Suzie?

- Up there.

My ma asked me and I told Ma

I like men

They don't have to look like Pa

But I like men

Since my birthday is coming due

I wouldn't dream of telling you

But in case you go shopping

Through the five-and-ten

Tell the lady at the counter I like men

Though my marmalade takes the prize

I like men

There ain't no flies in my mince pies

But I like men

I told Pa when I graduate

Don't want a bike or roller skates

Told him to line me up on dates

- Hi.

- Oh, hello.

- Pretty cute, huh?

- My sister.

Well, what do you know?

For cousin Ebenezer

A funny-looking geezer

I'm powderin' my beezer

When he comes to call

My neighbor, name of Hiram

A goat would not desire 'im

I'm tryin' to inspire 'im

With my folderol

Must be tetched in the head

'Cause I'd really rather drop dead

I can't explain it clearly

I reckon that it's merely

Mother Nature

Some gals say they like fancy clothes

I like men

Nylon hose and great big bows

But I like men

At the crack of dawn I'll be found

Milking the cows or tilling ground

But at night when I ain't around

The old pigpen

I like to do the things I like to do

And I like 'em

Big and ugly, small and snugly

Round and fat and dark and Latin

Strong and thrillin', weak and willin'

Tough and tender, I surrender

I like men

Well, folks, I guess...

I guess we all agree...

...that Suzie Higgins

and the boys win hands down.

Well, congratulations.

Get your prize.

Oh, the case is kind of heavy.

I'll bring it over tonight, myself, personally.

- Thank you. We'll leave the porch light on.

- Swell.

We will not. It attracts bugs.

So you see, this job

with Liquapep is only temporary.

I took it as a favor to Colonel Carver.

He's an old family friend.

Actually, I'm a promoter.

- This I've noticed.

- It's a...

It's a fascinating game, promotion.

Not everybody's got the brains for it.

But let's... Let's talk about you, honey.

- You married?

- No.

- You engaged?

- No.

- You going steady?

- No.

Well, do you think you could go

for a fellow like me?

No.

Well, I look better in the dark.

- Do you mind if I turn off the light?

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