Comedy Central Roast of James Franco Page #2

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Where... where is James Franco?

- Come on.

- Ready three... take three.

Okay, I gotta go.

You take over.

Franco? What the f***

is he doing back there?

All right, spidey-pose!

Genius!

Mr. Franco, I'm so sorry

my paper's late.

- Oh, late? "F"!

- Love it.

Beautiful. Yes, yes!

And... that's our cover.

- Congratulations, doctor.

- All right, thank you, thank you.

Okay.

"James Franco documentary,"

scene 1-apple, take one.

Hit it, all right.

Here we go.

Hi, James.

All right!

Welcome James Franco, everybody!

I'm a little surprised he

showed up, to be totally honest.

Why are we here, James?

I don't f...

can you tell us why

the f*** we're here?

- No f***ing idea, bud.

- I know why I'm here.

'Cause whenever you do something without

me, it sucks. That's why I'm here.

We're here tonight

so James can live out

one of his unfulfilled

sexual fantasies:

To have a room full of his

friends sh*t all over him.

Franco, you look like you're asleep.

Did you just read a James Franco book?

He's had a great career.

Judd apatow

gave both me and him our start

on the show "freaks and geeks."

Uh... yeah.

It's true. Judd was actually

gonna direct this roast,

but comedy central didn't want

it to be 40 minutes too long.

James became famous

for playing James dean,

which makes sense 'cause they both sucked

some d*cks and made three good movies.

You asked us to do this, man.

I don't know why.

To prepare for his role

in "127 hours,"

he told me he spent five days

with his arm inside the rock...

actually he goes by Dwayne johnson now.

I keep forgetting that.

He's the last guy I should

be making jokes about.

He'll literally f***ing kill me.

Look at me doing all the talkin'

while you sit there doing nothing.

I feel like I'm co-hosting

the oscars with you.

Say what you will

about James's awful

and borderline contemptuous

performance at the oscars...

in this world there can

only be one James Franco,

'cause if there were

two James Francos,

they'd never stop

buttfucking each other.

How 'bout we bring out

our first roaster, huh?

There we go.

You probably know him

from his small roles in movies like "date

night" and "get him to the greek,"

and his starring roles

in no movies ever.

Please welcome Nick Kroll.

All right. Ladies and gentlemen,

give it up for Seth Rogen.

Let him hear it.

God, Seth Rogen is so jewish...

how jewish is he?

Seth Rogen is

so f***ing jewish...

anyway, I'm excited

to be here tonight.

Seth, you're doing

a really good job up there.

It's not an easy job. Now many

of you might not know this,

but Seth Rogen has a writing and

directing partner named evan goldberg.

What does this other guy look like

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