Closer Page #4

Like it?

No.

What were you so sad about?

-Life.

-What's that, then?

So what do you reckon, in general?

You want to talk about art?

I know it's vulgar to discuss The Work

at an opening of The Work...

but someone's got to do it.

I'm serious. What do you think?

It's a lie.

It's a bunch of sad strangers

photographed beautifully...

and all the glittering a**holes

who appreciate art...

say it's beautiful

because that's what they want to see.

But the people in the photos are sad...

and alone.

But the pictures

make the world seem beautiful...

so the exhibition's reassuring,

which makes it a lie.

And everyone loves a big, fat lie.

-I'm the big, fat liar's boyfriend.

-Bastard.

-Larry.

-Alice.

So you're Anna's boyfriend.

A princess can kiss a toad.

-Frog.

-Toad.

-Frog.

-Toad, frog, lobster. They're all the same.

So how long have you been seeing her?

Four months. We're in the first flush.

It's paradise. All my nasty habits amuse her.

-You shouldn't smoke.

-F*** off.

I'm a doctor.

I'm supposed to say things like that.

-You want one?

-No.

Yes. No.

F*** it, yes.

No.

I've given up.

Anna tells me your bloke wrote a book.

-Any good?

-Of course.

It's about you, isn't it?

-Some of me.

-Oh? What did he leave out?

The truth.

Is he here, your bloke?

Yeah, he's over there talking to your bird.

My boyfriend's here.

He's here? Where?

There.

With Alice?

I believe you're acquainted.

-I've never seen him before.

-No.

But you've spoken.

Well, conversed.

-Corresponded.

-I wrote to him?

On the Net. You sent him to the aquarium.

I happened to be there.

Nice work, Cupid.

-We need to talk about this.

-No, we don't.

He's very pretty.

She is very tall.

So you're a stripper?

Yeah.

And?

You take care, now.

I will.

You, too.

That's the way it should be.

He's very funny.

Excuse me. Nice to meet you.

-Pleased with the success?

-Yes, absolutely.

Yours was the best.

You were the belle of the bullshit.

Who were those awful people?

-Where do they come from?

-Why should we care?

-You get this one. You'll miss your train.

-I'll be fine.

Come on, it's cold.

I'll see you on Sunday.

Where to, love?

Taxi!

Sorry.

Why don't you make up

your bleeding mind?

Thank you so much.

I appreciate your coming.

I'll call you tomorrow. See you next week.

-Thanks.

-Thanks very much.

-I thought you'd gone.

-I forgot this.

So he's a dermatologist.

Can you get more boring than that?

-Obituarist?

-Failed novelist, please.

I was sorry about your book.

Thanks. I blame the title.

So we pull out our Christmas crackers

with those appalling jokes.

My guy says,

"Hang on. These are second -rate jokes.

"I've got a first -rate joke.

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