Class Page #2

before I am faced with

students in women's underwear,

or an artist's rendering of my persona

dangling from the rafters.

We're only in the first week, gentlemen.

It's frightening to imagine what

could happen by Christmas, isn't it?

- Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.

That was rhetorical, boys. I like to give

everybody one chance to screw up.

I think we can assume

you've each had yours now.

I hope this is the last such conversation

I'll have with you until the end of the year.

- No ifs, ands, or buts. Is that clear?

- (both) Yes, sir.

- We really gotta watch it.

- We've gotta straighten up.

- Be responsible. Toe the line.

- Gotta clean up our act. Absolutely.

They're never gonna sell it to us.

It's never gonna work.

- We're gonna get busted.

- Shh. Relax.

Which one of you youngsters

is planning to buy this?

- I am.

- Oh, really? How old are you, son?

You did it!

I'm astounded by your brilliance

and the magnitude of your gall.

Yeah, so am I.

This is something I've never told anyone,

so you've gotta swear to me

what you hear will not leave this room.

Swear to God.

- OK.

- Swear to God!

OK.

I killed a guy.

Yeah? (laughs)

- I mean it, Jonathon.

- Me, too.

Last year, uh, I was in Montego Bay

with some friends.

And we were all in this bar.

And I met this gorgeous girl.

She takes me back to her place,

and then some huge guy

had a gun to my head.

And my gorgeous gal,

she's going through my pockets.

I must've been drunk,

cos I kicked the guy in the balls.

And I went for the gun, and then the next

thing I know, there's this huge explosion.

And, uh...

the guy was... lyin' on the ground

with blood pourin' out

of a hole in his head.

- It was horrible.

- Jesus.

God.

- What'd you do?

- What do you think? I got the hell out.

What's the worst thing you've ever done?

- I cheated on my SAT.

- I can smell bullshit a mile away.

Hey! It cost me I 50 bucks. I bought

the test. I had every answer goin' in.

You cheated on the SAT?

You cheated on the SAT?!

Yeah.

Christ, I love that! You're the smartest

f***in' guy in the whole school.

Mr Scholarship. I mean,

even Roger did OK on the SAT.

It just so happens my whole life

depends on my getting into Harvard.

You really cheated on the SAT!

It's pretty serious.

Hey, you killed a guy.

Well... not exactly.

What do you mean, ''not exactly''?

Huh?

That son of a b*tch

got away with everything I had.

You know, I was so scared

that I sh*t my pants.

What an a**hole.

Oh, no, Kafka's

symbolism here is obvious.

The apple represents original sin. Yeah.

It sticks in his side like Christ's wound

and eventually festers and destroys him.

No, no, no. What he's really saying

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