Carry On... Up the Khyber Page #2

who wears nothing underneath his skirt?

Oh, my child, you have not made war.

But think how frightening it would be

to have such a man charging at you

with his skirts flying in the air

and flashing his great big bayonet at you.

It is true.

But who can be afraid of men who wear

such a ridiculous thing beneath their skirts?

Precisely. And when our people learn of this,

they will rise up

and drive the British out of Kalabar.

Left right, left right, left right.

Left right, left right, left right.

Prisoner, halt!

Left turn!

Headgear in hand. Brace!

Give name, rank and number!

Private Widdle, J. 36360.

- Sah!

- Sah!

Well, now, what's the charge, Sergeant Major?

Gross dereliction of duty

resulting in loss of government property, sir.

What government property?

Underpants, woollen,

privates for the use of, one, sir.

And how did he manage that?

Where were they?

I regret to report they were on his person, sir.

What? You mean to say

he was actually wearing them?

Yes, sir. About his lower person, sir.

Good Gad. How could you, Widdle?

I felt the cold, sir.

That's no excuse, man. The 3rd Foot & Mouth

never wear anything under the kilt.

It's part of our glorious tradition.

Look at our motto.

But if we're not allowed to wear them,

why do they bother to issue them?

There are two occasions when the wearing

of underpants is permissible, Widdle.

One:
church parade. Two: gymnastic display.

And only then

when there are to be ladies present.

Really, Widdle, you shock me.

Wearing them is bad enough, but losing them!

Er... beg pardon, sir. I didn't exactly lose them.

They were ripped off.

Ripped off? By whom?

I didn't catch his name.

But he was a huge Burpa.

Anative knows

that you were wearing underpants?!

Good Gad! This is more serious than I thought.

We must see His Excellency right away.

- Follow me.

- Headgear on! Left turn!

Quick march! Left right, left right, left right...

Left right, left right, left right. Halt!

Major Shorthouse,

I must see the Governor right away.

I can't disturb him now.

He's with the memsahib, having a bit of tiffin.

Oh, that is awkward.

However, it is a matter of the utmost urgency.

Well, I'll see if they've finished.

- You can't come in!

- Certainly not, sir,

but Captain Keene's here to see you

on a matter of the utmost urgency.

Oh, all right, just a minute.

Just coming.

Now, what is it? You know

how I hate being interrupted in mid-tiffin.

I know, sir, I'm sorry.

That's all very well, but it's not often

the mem and I get the chance these days.

When we were in Calcutta,

we had it twice a day, together. Regularly.

I'm afraid it's my fault, Your Excellency.

I expect she'll keep it warm.

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