Camp Nowhere Page #2

- With that kind of money,

we could just rent our own camp.

- I'd buy a new wardrobe.

- I'd buy The Gap.

- Whoa! Whoa! What'd you say?

Oh, I said, for that kind of money,

we could rent our own camp.

- It's brilliant!

- It's deranged!

- It's suicide.

- Besides, we need an adult to pull it off.

- But we're adults, one for each camp.

- And one really twisted one.

- Who's gonna rent a cabin...

- What'd you just say?

Did you guys hear about the guy

who taught drama before Mr. Ellison?

Yeah, my sister had him.

Tres bizarre, she said.

He tried to do

Silence of the Lambs as a musical.

Anyway, he got fired

and left town.

Yeah, well, he got fired, but

I'm not so sure he left town.

[Gaby]

The cheese guy?

Okay, let's do it. Mud.

[Sighs]

Hi.

Can I help you?

Yeah, uh...

Is your name Dennis Van Welker?

- No. Just inspectin' the hinges here.

- [Brushing Hinges]

Look at that.

Low carbon content.

- Uh, ooh. Are you sure your

name isn't Dennis Van Welker?

- [Gargling]

- [Spits Out Toothpaste]

- He used to be a drama teacher

at King Junior High.

There are no drama teachers

living here.

I mean, I'm assuming the guy's gotta be,

what, five, six feet long.

[Chuckles]

So I'd have seen him.

Why don't you step inside? Now.

Don't make a sound.

Shh. It's show time.

Kid, I think you're sittin' on my teeth.

Quick, gimme, gimme, gimme. Come on.

Your teeth?

Sick! Gross!

Hey, kid,

I owe ya one.

Van Welker!

You in there?

Van Welker!

Van Welker!

[Speaking With Country Accent]

Who the hell are you?

Dennis Van Welker?

Well, glad

to meet you, Dennis.

The name's T.R. Polk.

I'm looking for Dennis Van Welker.

And according to my information,

you're him.

Sorry, man.

Roland J. Orlando.

Wait a minute!

I bought this here trailer

from a feller named Van Welker.

Yeah? Did this Van Welker have a "caar"?

Well, I guess he must've to pull the trailer.

[Chuckles]

In 1979, Dennis Van Welker bought

a Caribbean yellow Gremlin...

from Rasmunsen's AMC-Jeep

in Columbus, Ohio.

- A yellow Gremlin?

- He signed a contract for 48 equal payments...

of $121.43.

He made five.

We're still lookin' for the other 43.

- God! What a swine!

- Hey, come on.

Last year, Rasmunsen

sold the debt...

to Bulldog Collections;

that's me.

- Well, Mr. Bulldog.

- Polk. T.R. Polk.

I retire in October.

When I go, I'm goin' with a perfect record.

So no piss-yellow coupe is gonna

keep me out of the hall of fame.

- [Whistle Blowing]

- Now, what's in the shed?

Look, I really should be gettin'

down to the plant.

[Speaking With Country Accent]

Dad! Dad! Oh, nellie, Dad! It's an emergency!

Uh, the plant just called.

Number three turbine's out of alignment.

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